Is it just me or does mother nature have a bad case of schizophrenia? These days it’s impossible to figure out what the weather will be like. I have been thoroughly entertained by seeing people freeze because they’re morning outfit didn’t agree with the afternoon weather. But according to the men in the white (robes), my sins have something to do with it.

According to them, this crazy weather is a sign that the end is near. The reasons for this crazy weather has already been explained in the form of one amazing PowerPoint presentation (thank you Mr. Gore), but I have additional reasons not to believe my more “spiritually inclined” neighbors. To begin, every doomsday theory has been wrong.

In the 1840s followers of William Miller believed that Jesus would return in 1844. I’m not a history major, but I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t come back. Four years prior, his followers stopped growing crops and saving their wages, all because they were sure they wouldn’t need food or money in the future; talk about a bad investment. Another sign many people see as precursor to the Apocalypse is the birth of Israel.

The book of Revelation says the rebirth of Israel is a sign of the Apocalypse. Since the 1940s, Israel has been alive and well, OK probably not well, but definitely alive.

Revelation also states that war in this “Holy City” is a sign of the end, but when hasn’t the Middle East been at war? According to most history books there have been at least seven wars in the Middle East, back when they fought with swords and shields (if none of this rings a bell, I suggest you watch the movie “Kingdom of Heaven”). And don’t get me started on Y2K.

The other thing I don’t like about doomsday theories is that most of them start at midnight, but midnight starts at different times all across the world.

Does that mean that Illinoisans, will be able to laugh at Indianans because their world ends an hour earlier than ours? If that’s the case then I feel bad for the Japanese. They get no breaks: first Hiroshima, then Nagasaki, now this.

I will admit as a practicing Christian, I do believe in the end of the world, but not in the literal sense.

When I left high school, my suburban, highly parented world ended. I entered a world where I decided how long I could play video games and when I could eat Frosted Flakes. So maybe the robes are right, the end of the world is coming.

Maybe a new world is emerging where the U.S. stops fighting pointless wars, Americans can get decent health care and when people think of the president of the United States, they won’t only think of old white men. So I have my own predication, our world will end November 2008 (Pacific Standard Time).