Instead of writing a column about a specific topic surrounding the biggest sporting day in America, I decided to get a little more creative. What follows is what I expect to happen in my life on Super Bowl Sunday, with a few exaggerations of course.

3:00 a.m. – Fall asleep.

12:07 p.m. – You know how your parents always used to say, “Nothing good happens after midnight?” Well, my thought is, “Nothing good happens before noon on the weekend.” Therefore, I rise to the sound of Chris Berman, Tom Jackson and Co. long after the rooster crows. Mom and Dad would be proud.

12:09 p.m. – Chug two glasses of water.

12:34 p.m. – After showering and changing, I roll out to Flat Top Grill, a personal favorite, and get a giant bowl to go. Perhaps the free publicity from this column will result in a free bowl?

12:57 p.m. – Arrive back at my place, settle down with the Flat Top for the Illini basketball game against the feared Hawkeyes. That was sarcastic; sorry Iowans, but your team isn’t very good. We weren’t very good last year; hopefully, it’ll come around for you. And hopefully, you don’t make me eat these words. Either way, at least you’re not as bad as Indiana.

1:10 p.m. – Demetri McCamey hits threes on consecutive possessions from 5 feet behind the 3-point line, putting the Illini up 10-2 in the early going and sending the Assembly Hall faithful up in arms. Coach Bruce Weber can be seen begging McCamey to drive to the hoop once in awhile.

1:30 p.m. – I begin to endure what could be called the “push through” – the act of finishing a giant portion of food, even though you became sufficiently full 20 bites ago, just to prove to yourself that you can do it.

1:36 p.m. – Stomachache.

1:50 p.m. – The Illini head to the locker room at the half, leading Iowa 38-26. Assistant coach and recruiting extraordinaire Jerrance Howard locks up two more top-100 commitments for the class of 2011 during the break.

2:56 p.m. – The final whistle blows, and Illinois is victorious by a score of 70-55. Super Bowl coverage, here we come.

2:57 p.m. – My jaw hits the floor as NBC has brought what looks like an entire football team, in bodies at least, to the pregame show in Tampa Bay. It looks like the Last Supper, only not as many people. I keep expecting Cris Collinsworth to pass fish and a basket of bread to Bob Costas.

2:58 p.m. – I think about food and get another stomachache.

3:15 p.m. – The 50th analyst in a row utters the gist of this phrase, with each one under the impression they’re being original: “I’m taking the Steelers, but don’t sleep on the Cardinals.

They could definitely pull an upset.” Thanks, guys. I had no idea either team could potentially win and that the Cardinals were underdogs.

3-5 p.m. – Gather food and “refreshments.”

5:28 p.m. – The game is scheduled to start at this time, but unless the game is a firework show worthy of Fourth of July at Navy Pier, we’ll have to wait a bit longer.

5:45 p.m. – The smoke finally clears (literally), and the game begins.

6:41 p.m. – The first quarter ends, with the Steelers leading 7-3. I also realize I can hardly listen to John Madden anymore without envisioning Frank Caliendo’s impression.

7:32 p.m. – The first half ends tied at 13, as both Kurt Warner and Ben Roethlisberger are playing like the bosses they are. Speaking of bosses, Bruce Springsteen takes the stage for the family-friendly halftime show. Shockingly, the Boss is pleased about President Barack Obama’s recent inauguration and isn’t afraid to talk about it.

8:00 p.m. – My personal migration to KAM’S begins.

8:07 p.m. – My personal migration to KAM’S ends.

8:49 p.m. – The score is tied at 20 when Warner tosses a long touchdown to Larry Fitzgerald, thus giving the Cardinals a lead they’ll never relinquish.

9:12 p.m. – Warner wins the Super Bowl MVP for the second time, cementing his Hall of Fame career, as his Cardinals upset the seven-point favorite Steelers, 27-20.

Monday, Feb. 2, 1:17 A.M. – Fall asleep.

Gotta love that Super Bowl Sunday.

Rich Mayor is a junior in Media. He can be reached at [email protected].