New Year’s Eve has passed, syllabus week is finally over, and everyone is still at the gym. With New Year’s resolutions in full swing, it is evident everyone is still trying their hardest to stick to their new regimens all while crowding the many machines at the ARC.

However, this is standard for the start of spring semester. If you’ve been here before, you know that once second semester starts, the ARC is packed with “resolutioners” looking to start the year off right, and spring break hopefuls attempting to sculpt the perfect bod before they hit the beach in March.

If you’re looking to hit up the ARC anytime soon, here is what you should expect.

All of the pretentious work-out people will be complaining about the overcrowding issue at the ARC until their sanctuary is returned to them. We all know who the intense gym attendees are — they’re the ones who feel the need to post correct “gym etiquette” on social media and scoff at those who don’t wear all Nike attire.

But even the middle-of-the-road gym-goers, like myself, can admit that the amount of people frequenting the ARC has been slightly inconvenient and mildly overwhelming. It appears that not even a good old fashion hangover from syllabus week could keep some of these “resolutioners” away from the elliptical machines.

A mild gym attendee, by my standards, is someone who uses a machine or two, tries to go a few times a week, and never, under any circumstances, ventures to the basement.

The basement holds all of the weight machines no one knows how to use, besides the bulked up, protein-drinking gym rats that never leave. And it’s a terrifying place. If you muster the courage to descend the ARC stairs to the basement and breathe through the thick odor of sweat — more power to you. 

But a “resolutioner” would never go down there, for fear of being awkwardly stared at since the basement is clearly reserved for those never willing to leave the ARC. So, the “resolutioners” are forced to populate the main and upper level of the ARC.

Unfortunately, that leaves few to no machines for the rest of the moderate gym-goers and we’re forced to walk around, winter coats in hand, looking for lockers and stalking the machines.

I have found that the most effective way to obtain a machine is to stand behind the people occupying them and stare intensely at them until they feel your burning eyes on their back and feel compelled to awkwardly get off said machine.

Don’t even think about trying to get on the StairMaster machine. Unless you’re willing to get up at 6 a.m. to workout or bribe a sorority girl to give up the machine, you won’t be able to use it. Personally, I don’t understand the draw to the StairMaster seeing as it stands ominously over the rock climbing wall and one misstep can make you feel like you’re about to plummet down over the guard rail.

But apparently other people enjoy those kinds of thrills when working out.

Once February rolls around, you may think that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that the “resolutioners” have lost their steam. Alas, that is when the spring break crowd emerges in full force. 

With a mere eight weeks until spring break, every student relocating to a warm place will descend upon the ARC. Unlike the “resolutioners” attempting to make a lifestyle change, the spring breakers have one goal in mind: getting into a bathing suit.

While the spring break group is just as intense, they don’t last as long as the “resolutioners” because once spring break is over, that crowd has no interest in going to the gym.

The “resolutioners” are typically a medley of people, while the spring breakers are a very specific group made up mostly of girls. Don’t expect there to be a single elliptical available during the month of March. Until then, all we can do is wait. Wait until the stampede of sorority girls surrounds the ARC and descends upon it.

During these overcrowded times, you have two options: either set an alarm at the crack of dawn and crawl to the ARC to get a machine, or fight your way through the crowd in mid-afternoon and expect your workout to consist solely of doing laps in search of a machine. 

Unless of course you know of another place to work out. I have heard of this one place, in a land far, far away, I think they call it CRCE?

Kate is a senior in LAS. She can be reached at [email protected].