Thanksgiving break is quickly approaching and the anticipation of copious amounts of food, our beds and Black Friday has us all itching to get home. While it may be exciting to be at home and in our own bed, the same cannot always be said for the people we are at home with.
Thanksgiving is a time of year known for family gatherings. And though it’s considered nice to see all or most of your family in one place at one time, it can also be extremely awkward, uncomfortable and all-around draining. The American Psychological Association says stress during the holidays is a different type of stress altogether.
It is embedded in American culture that you must “go home for the holidays.” It’s a societal expectation and norm that you see and spend time with your family. It’s believed that this “going home for the holidays” is what keeps families close.
But we can be physically close to someone and still not be close to them. For some people who have always felt distant from their immediate family, the addition of grandparents, cousins, aunts and creepy uncles at Thanksgiving dinner only makes that distance larger.
Physical closeness in familial relationships is overplayed. You might be related to your relatives by blood, but we should think about the quality of the connection you have with them. Good relationships with your family should be characterized by compassion and understanding, rather than just your physical proximity to them.
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A healthy distance might be needed. Going away to college provides some of us with a much-needed sense of freedom. This distance from home has provided a safe space to be a truer version of ourselves — going home unfortunately takes that feeling away.
Sometimes it’s just not comfortable to fully express ourselves in our home and around our families. Our families — though we love them — may also be our primary source of stress. And if your family doesn’t make you feel happy, relaxed and unconditionally loved then it’s okay if you’re not excited to go home to them.
It’s okay to not want to see your family.
It’s your choice where you spend your holidays and it’s your choice who you spend your holidays with. Holidays are advertised to be a time of comfort and joy and should be just that. Catherine Pearson, in an article for The New York Times, writes, “For some of us, family tension is its own kind of holiday tradition.” Don’t let familial guilt pressure you into a potentially traumatic evening and a game of football.
Feeling at home doesn’t need to mean welcoming everyone into your home. We can be grateful for our families and be just as grateful for them not being around. Sometimes it’s necessary to do whatever it takes to protect our peace.
We can love our families and not like spending time with them.
Sofia is a freshman in LAS.
