After the 2024 election, Democratic strategists started asking: Why have we lost so many young men? It’s a good question, given that over half of men under 30 voted for President Donald Trump last November.

It’s pretty disappointing that the question is only being asked now, after one of the most terrible losses for Democrats in decades. 

I started asking the question last year, but differently: I began chatting with men about their thoughts on the “male loneliness epidemic” conversation that I saw trending online. A lot of those men — mostly liberals — blew it off, saying it was self-inflicted and overblown. 

That may be true — according to Pew Research Center data, reported loneliness among men and women is basically equal. Sixteen percent of men report being lonely all or most of the time compared to 15% of women.

But I believe that when we’re talking about the male loneliness epidemic, we’re also referring to how young men are struggling in a more general way. 

Young men struggle in education. Girls outpace boys in every single kindergarten skill, graduate high school and college at higher rates than boys and have higher GPAs. 

In 1972, men were 13 points ahead of women in obtaining bachelor’s degrees. In the 2020s, we haven’t yet achieved equality. Rather, the statistic has flipped 180 degrees: Women are now 15 points ahead of men in bachelor’s degree attainment.

Boys ages 3-17 have higher levels of mental, emotional, behavioral or developmental problems (28%) compared to girls (23%).

The shift to a service-based economy has also been difficult for men. Deindustrialization and technological advancement have phased many traditionally “masculine” jobs out of the market, decreasing the share of men working or looking for work. 

Relatedly, young men are more likely than young women to live with their parents — 19% of men aged 25-34 live with their parents compared to 11% of women. 

Women deserve the successes that they’ve earned, but that doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to the fact that men are doing worse than they were in previous decades.

Two things can be true at once: Women are losing political rights in the 2020s, and men are at a disadvantage in education and the service-based economy. Feminists have downplayed men’s issues while men have become increasingly sexist. 

These are not unconnected phenomena. When one gender struggles, so will the other one (apologies for keeping this conversation in a gender binary, but this needs to be simply stated). 

A politics of zero-sum thinking has infected the left and right in this country. Feminists do not want to give any airtime to men’s issues because “women have it so much worse,” which then incentivizes men to turn elsewhere for support. Now, conservatives deem it acceptable to debate women’s suffrage and women in the workplace — untouchable subjects just a decade ago.

We have lost the ability to understand nuance and recognize when reality does not perfectly fit into our worldview. As I’ve argued in a previous column, we need to look at politics anew in these unstable and radically open times. 

Rather than hold to our old conceptions unquestioningly, we must go back to our political foundations and excavate what actually holds up in this age and beyond. And we must be more charitable in conversations that make us a little uncomfortable. 

Feminism is supposed to be about how patriarchy and capitalism negatively impact both women and men. Therefore, in left-of-center circles, I believe it’s time to bring men’s issues to the table, too. End the “gender war” and cut to the chase: Patriarchy and capitalism are kicking men’s a–es. Let’s talk about it.

If you’re interested in going further with this topic, I have a new video essay on YouTube entitled “Lesbian investigates the ‘male loneliness epidemic.’”

Grace is a graduate student studying urban planning.

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