Dating’s illusive “perfect partner” isn’t the same for any two people, but the qualifications typically are. People’s standards often include attraction, personality and interests, whether music, books, media or some other activity — with the person most similar to you being the most suitable. 

However, this common fallacy of required shared interests is a limiting factor in most people’s love lives. In reality, it can be better if your partner doesn’t share similar interests initially. 

As our understanding of relationships and dating evolves, so do our methods for finding future partners. Dating apps such as Hinge or Tinder have become the easy way to find love — apps that encapsulate users’ identities into easy-to-parse profiles, utilizing interests to express themselves. 

The new baseline for being considered a potential partner is commonly shared interests — because how can you like someone if they aren’t as obsessed with the same niche band as you? 

While having similar interests before an initial date can be helpful, making it easier to be yourself unabashedly and giving you possible topics of conversation, it can also limit your emotional connection with the other individual. 

The beauty of dating comes from getting to know a person on a deeper level, and with that comes sharing your interests and experiences with this person. The difficulty comes when they are exactly the same as you. 

Conversing about your favorite media or activities shifts the focus of the date away from who the other person truly is; what are their passions, beliefs, values, emotional state and so on?

It can instill a false sense of connection, as you two bond over similar interests while failing to understand the person across from you beneath the buzzwords of their dating profile. 

Of course, these aren’t mutually exclusive; you can have similar interests while better understanding your partner and who they are. However, the initial stages of dating can create a veil of similarity when the two of you might not actually be compatible.  

A first date between people who don’t share the same interests will require the conversation to be about commonalities in values, emotions and personalities  — aspects of a person that are harder to change. Then, differing interests can be shared during future dates, growing to appreciate the others.

This can also be effective in gauging your commitment to one another. If you are each willing to try new things and show interest in them, it can be much more enriching than simply having similar interests from the start. 

Dating advice should always be taken with a grain of salt, regardless of experience or inexperience, as people will always have differing encounters and anecdotes about what works, how to act and more. There are no principles regarding dating and no formula for finding the perfect partner. 

However, people need to open their minds to what are acceptable criteria for dating another individual. Basing your attraction or desire to date someone solely on their interests is flawed and will greatly limit your opportunities to meet truly wonderful people and experience possibly life-changing things.   

The “perfect partner” doesn’t exist, but the perfect partner for you does — despite any differences you may have. 

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