Relationships are tough, and their aftermath is even more so. There are countless memories to make peace with and constant reminders of the pain. 

Add to the mess that despite all objections and advice to the contrary, you date one of your roommates — that’s a recipe for disaster bound by a year-long lease. The lovey-dovey extravaganza that extends from a month before Valentine’s Day doesn’t make things any easier.

It’s like every store is out to get you. Every Target run overwhelms you with aisles of red-and-pink-themed cards and balloons, and you can only grit your teeth when you and your roommate-turned-ex go grocery shopping. 

Every group dinner at Mia Za’s is punctuated with being asked if you’d like a heart-shaped pizza while your heart cracks a little more. You shake your head silently and hear your friends whispering, voices full of pity. 

The loudest complaints about Valentine’s Day come from single people, but those freshly broken up may feel the deepest pain.

Single people feel the sorrow of what could be, but newly single people feel the pain of what could’ve been. Those without a significant other hope and wish they had someone to bring them chocolates and roses, but newly single people are helplessly wishing for their fractured relationship.

Years of skinned knees and elbows have taught me that peeling a scab is never a good idea, but there’s little respite when healing an emotional wound.

You can allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief, seek comfort in people and hobbies or even try reading up on wikiHow to get over your ex. However, nothing can prepare you for a relapse when you spend every day around what was once your drug of choice. 

Unfortunately, it will hurt when you see them smile at someone else, hear their laugh and think of how you won’t be together this Valentine’s Day.

The human brain is a weird thing. It will make tough decisions, but it’ll make it equally tough for you to be okay with those decisions. 

Rosy retrospection is one of the biggest pitfalls of the moving-on phase. You’ll remember the past far more fondly than it was, and over time, you perceive the negatives as better than they were. You will start to doubt yourself and wonder if you should go back, thinking you’ll be happier that way. Let me make it easier for you — you won’t. 

Give yourself credit for knowing exactly what you were doing when you made the decisions you made. Trust that you had a good reason, and remember that reason clearly. 

Don’t lose yourself to the mind games you will inevitably, subconsciously, play on yourself. There’s no such thing as rock bottom, and you’ll only end up digging a deeper hole if you start doubting yourself. 

It’s never easy suddenly being robbed of your source of strength, especially when you need comfort most. However, time heals every wound. Depending on how much you value your mental peace, you can try to control how much time that is.

One positive is that you’re likely not hurting alone. Relationships require (at least) two people, and you’ll find companionship in the other half of a broken heart, even if you aren’t on speaking terms anymore. 

Whether near or far, fueled by mutual care or vindictiveness, there’s always a way to derive strength from someone in a similar boat as you. 

If you know they’re suffering too, you’ll know you’re not alone; if you find out they’re doing quite well, you won’t want to be left behind. Either way, your heart and mind will find a way out together if you don’t isolate yourself.

Throwing yourself into alternate celebrations of Valentine’s Day, like Galentine’s Day, is a great way to get your mind off of things, but distractions are not solutions. You’ll still have to face the fact that your ex might eventually buy flowers for someone else, so face it head-on.

Buy yourself flowers and treat yourself to everything you wanted them to do. People sorely underrate self-sufficiency, especially when it comes to love, so start there. 

Eventually, you’ll be ready to wish for chocolates and roses as your heart returns to a state of maiden’s longing with no trace of pain.

[email protected]