“Tell me who you’re friends with, and I’ll tell you who you are” is a quote that has been constantly reinforced in my household. Since the value of friendship has been constantly emphasized throughout my life, I have always taken my friendships seriously. 

I’ve always felt like friends were my second family. For this reason, I tend to take these moments more personally whenever there is a disagreement. While I have small disagreements with my friends about minor topics, I noticed a particular tension whenever a romantic relationship was the topic of conversation. 

Friendships are hard work when there are only two people involved. There is a lot of effort below the surface to make a friendship long-lasting. These efforts can become more restricted once someone gets a partner. 

In a friendship where both parties are single, you only need to be mindful of each other’s boundaries, but in a friendship where one or both people are in a relationship, there needs to be more mutual respect for each other’s actions. This dynamic of time devoted to a friendship — compared to a relationship — is often the basis of your friend’s opinion about your relationship. 

When reading that, some might think outside opinions are unnecessary, especially in relationships, because what works for one person might not work for the other. 

While this philosophy is generally applicable to things like work, I believe that advice and an outsider perspective are the most important factors in relationships because friends can see the whole rather than the sum of its parts. 

If you are concerned about a relationship your friend is in, it can be a difficult situation to approach. You may feel worried about bringing up something you see as a problem out of fear that your friend will be defensive or confused about these critical — but true — comments. 

This decision ultimately feels like a be-all, end-all situation. The two possible outcomes are to say something and risk your friendship or continue to let them see an unhealthy relationship through rose-colored glasses. 

While it can be scary to vocalize your true thoughts to this friend, it is the best decision that someone can make. Although being honest can make it seem like you’re putting the entire friendship at risk, staying silent could mean losing a key foundation of friendship — honesty.

No matter the length of time that a friend has been seeing someone — talking stage, situationship, officially dating, etc. — when you feel like something is off, communicating this disruption is so important. Friends might often need to hear external advice as reassurance of feelings they already have. 

As someone who has been unhappy in a dynamic with another individual, having negative thoughts about the person or how they are treating you is uneasy. Hearing that there is a recognizable problem can encourage someone to face their problems rather than ignore them. 

Navigating friendships amid a relationship can be overwhelming. However, if all friends are maturely communicating their feelings, then both parties can understand their respective perspectives. 

Even though unsolicited advice can be bothersome at times, this advice from friends comes from them wanting the best for you. Nothing that happens in your relationship necessarily directly affects someone else’s day-to-day. 

If someone wants to help you work through your problems related to your romantic life, then this is truly an act of platonic love. 

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