College seemed like the start of everything, and for the most part, being on campus catalyzed exactly that. 

Yet, I am preparing to leave campus without the one thing I thought I would find: The Great College Love. 

This isn’t really a colloquially-used term, but I find most people know what it is without much explanation. It’s something I made up to define a meaningful connection. 

This “Great College Love” is deeply personal and impactful. It could’ve been six weeks or two years. This connection is so palpable that you know the other party will occupy your mind palace indefinitely.

I’d like to sit and tell you about my Great College Love — except it looks a little different compared to other stories.  

I’ve compared my four years at university to writing a book. In the early stages, you’re storyboarding, finding the characters, their drives, building the world and unlocking new aspects you didn’t know existed. 

Finally, the story starts to come to a close. Eventually, you know all the aspects of the world you’ve created, and a natural stopping point befalls you. 

As you look back through the narrative, you pay more attention to the b-plots and complementary details. 

While I was mentally re-reading over my own experience, I realized it lacked a real romantic plotline.

Starting on campus, this university seemed vast and limitless. By senior year, I found I had maybe three eligible people on my love roster. 

I started worrying that I set my standards too high. As most people do, I came into college with expectations.

In terms of romance, I expected someone to walk into my life and change the way I thought about my former partners. I thought someone would reimagine the way I approached relationships.

In some ways, my romantic college connections did shape me, but I just don’t feel super passionate about them. There isn’t one face that pops into my head when people discuss groundbreaking romantic partners. 

For some time, I felt like I had missed out. If all other aspects of my life are in order, why does this non-existent Great College Love feel so huge?

This insecurity is one that many people may face. As I’ve discussed this topic with others, we all agree we want to feel desired in some way. It varies, but if you’re as hopelessly romantic as I am, chances are this want for appreciation manifests itself in your love life. 

Yet, as I comb through romantic memories and experiences, I see I could only blame myself for this gap in my story, and I’m actually happy that’s the case.

I’ve reimagined situationships, flings, short-term partners and I’ve tried to lay out alternate endings for myself, but I can’t find happier endings than where I am currently.

This happiness wasn’t created by the dry texts, the one-off compliments at the bars or the late-night texts to “hang out.” The happiest memories were when I rolled my eyes at the request and texted my friends instead.

Maybe I would have gotten into a relationship if I had spent more nights prioritizing it, but I chose differently. This means I didn’t — and now probably won’t — have a Great College Love that I will mourn for the rest of my life, but I did have deep and meaningful connections with those who really cared for me. 

The people in my life have become more than classmates and acquaintances; they’ve become best friends and my most esteemed confidants. This isn’t because it just happened that way. 

I put in lots of time and effort to grow my relationships with my friends. Instead of searching for love in every nook and cranny at The Red Lion, I was focused on my group of friends and experiencing that moment with them.

I’ve come to realize that my Great College Love isn’t a romantic one, but a platonic one, and this form of genuine affection has shaped me into the person I am today.

This might not be the case for everyone, but if you resonate with this idea, then there’s no shame in that. All the nights I chose to be with my roommates over entertaining a potential romance brought me closer to feeling truly seen.

By strengthening my friendships, I’ve built a strong foundation of support and comfort. Surrounding myself with these people maximized my confidence and perspective on my own self-worth.

Outside of my friends, I’ve been able to sit with myself for a while. While undergoing this pivotal chapter in my life, I’ve been able to grow into an adult by myself. I am now rooted in who I am, who my friends are and what I choose to value. 

I got the opportunity to figure things out outside of a relationship, how to live according to myself. I believe that will, in turn, make my future relationships stronger. I feel more capable of opening my heart to another person knowing what I can bring to the table on my own. 

Now, I sit with a level of contentment I hadn’t reached before. I had a grand idea of love that blinded me from seeing the real importance of my time here. 

Dating and relationships felt so huge, but it made me overlook the most supportive, consistent and forgiving connections I had: my friends.

It’s scary to know you’re closing a book to open a new one. I feel the nervous anticipation of hoping the sequel is on par with the original. I hope that post-grad is as lovely as my undergraduate years were. 

Still, I’d like to keep in mind that pre-existing notions of what you’re supposed to have accomplished, the hearts you’re supposed to have broken and the memories you’re supposed to have made are void. 

I’ve learned you create the reality you want to live, and when I think back to all the decisions I made, I wouldn’t change a single one.

Until next time,

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