It’s back to school time, which means Linens ‘n Things is having a sale on towels, and those nice Pilot G2 pens are available at Wal-Mart for just a handful of change. It also means that we are all back here in Champaign-Urbana. The aroma of South Farms manure sends those recollections of your summer trip to East Asia to the back of your mind. The time you woke up in a restaurant booth at 4:45 a.m. after a Friday night of partying in Lincoln Park also is a distant memory – much like it was the next day.

Some are arriving on campus for the first time, some for the fourth time, and some have lost count of how many fall semesters this one will mark. But as the years pass and the campus area undergoes aesthetic changes, one part of college life has always been the same: There always is something happening on the Quad.

Few and far between are the days when nobody is asking you to join their club, rush their fraternity, or attend their upcoming musical. Now, this isn’t a big deal – even though it can sometimes be difficult to dodge the pack of 12 people waiting to bombard you with leaflets saying how great their engineering society is. If you don’t want to feel as if you’re rude by not being interested in the economics club, take the diagonal sidewalks to avoid these people – that’s what they were built for. However, some organizations have gotten quite elaborate by stationing people on both sides of the Quad and on the diagonal sidewalks.

This is where you’ll have to implement one of two methods. First is the “take-and-toss” method. This is where you take their handout and then immediately dump it in the nearest trash can. Second is the “blow-by” method, where you just keep marching up the Quad and “blow by” them like you never saw anyone in the first place.

There is one caveat, however, and this is New Testament Bible day. There really is no escape here. Hundreds of people are spread out around campus offering free copies of the New Testament. The three methods mentioned above will only work for so long. Once you get asked for the 14th time whether you’d like a copy, you’re head will implode (trust me, I’ve seen it happen). My advice is to take the first copy you’re offered and carry it in your hand all day. This way, others will see that you already have one, and probably won’t ask you again. But you may not be in the clear yet. Sometimes they will ask if you want copies for your friends. If this situation arises, just tell them you don’t have any friends. They’ll understand since they probably don’t have any either.

Another Quad event is the common protest and/or demonstration. The goals of these events are to make sure that everyone knows President Bush is evil, GEO members are underpaid, animals and humans should have equal rights and Israel either rules or sucks. It’s certainly an experience to see these rallies because few things are more entertaining than watching people really get upset over something they can’t do anything about.

Finally, some of the most exciting times on the Quad (especially when you freshmen get to experience this for the first time) are when extremists come out of the woodwork to impose their beliefs on us “lost” college kids. These are the crŠme de la crŠme of Quad performances and no one puts on a better show than everyone’s favorite Bible-thumper, Preacher Dan. Preacher Dan, while finding joy in spreading the Gospel, probably finds greater joy in calling every female he sees a “she-devil whore.” Dan also makes sure we know who is to blame for the atrocities on Earth. This laundry list consists of those who engage in premarital sex, drink alcohol, wear clothing that reveals skin other than the face, are homosexual and basically everyone else who is not named Preacher Dan.

So as we return to school greeted with construction at IMPE, CRCE and Bevier Hall, the campus continues to change visually, but the pastime of an entertaining walk across the Quad always will remain constant.

Chris Kozak is a senior in LAS. His column runs Fridays. He can be reached at [email protected]