Sex is often a formative part of the college experience. Stepping foot onto a campus with newfound freedom and thousands of people can be a complicated journey of figuring out who you like, what you like and what makes sex “good.”
Good sex looks different for most people. Whether it be an emotional connection or physical attraction, numerous components can play into a positive sexual experience.
For Jaezl Bata, senior in LAS, consent plays the largest role.
“I feel like consent is equivalent to respect, and if neither of those things (is) established, then it’s not going to be good,” Bata said. “Right off the bat, you’re off to a terrible start.”
While safety and comfort are two of the more obvious sexual green flags, other factors can play into the satisfaction of a sexual experience. According to Stella Youse, junior in FAA, sexual compatibility is one of the most important parts of having a positive sexual experience.
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Youse said that compatibility often comes from trust and having candid communication about sex.
“Even though sometimes having open conversations about sex is the least sexy thing you can do, it’s really important,” Youse said. “Even though it might be awkward at times, I feel like it always ends up making for better sex.”
Youse goes into sexual situations with low expectations and the knowledge that sex likely isn’t going to be perfect — in fact, it rarely ever is. Sometimes you simply aren’t compatible with a person. Other times, your performance isn’t what you were hoping, and sometimes it’s just bad.
Most of the time, Youse said, people are just trying to figure things out. And even when getting with someone sexually experienced, things can still be awkward and messy.
“We are all learning and doing these things for the first time,” Youse said. “Maybe someone has way more experience than you do, but they’re experiencing you for the first time, right? Never thinking of yourself as knowing it all is important.”
Physical pleasure and emotional satisfaction are two things that often contribute to the positivity of a sexual experience. Although it’s possible to have good sex with just one and not the other, Bata sees the emotional part of the sexual experience as the most gratifying.
“When you get to know the person more, I feel like the sex becomes better because it feels more intimate,” Bata said. “I can’t really enjoy it unless I have a connection with the person.”
Things like transparency, foreplay and aftercare can directly contribute to the experience, both physically and emotionally. Bata sees aftercare as an important part of sex, and the ability to get to know someone after an intimate act can make things more vulnerable.
However, vulnerability isn’t always the goal. For some people, the goal can be forming that emotional connection, but other times, it’s just to feel good and have fun.
Hookup culture is prevalent on college campuses, with between 60% and 80% of North American college students having had a hookup experience.
Despite the large number of college students who participate in hookup culture, Rosa Maurello, senior in LAS, notices a negative connotation associated with sex, specifically in conversations with men.
“I just think it’s crazy, the amount of times … where guys will ask me, ‘Oh, what’s your body count?’” Maurello said. “You just see all (that) social media stuff that’s like, ‘I don’t want a girl that’s ran through.’ But all the guys are ran through, and that’s not a problem … Let people do whatever they want to do.”
For Youse, part of what makes sex good is creating a nonjudgmental space where people can openly share their sexual wants and experiences, not only in the broader conversation about sex but also in the moment of engaging in sexual acts.
Recognizing the vulnerability of sexual experiences, from committed relationships to off-and-on hookups, is what can make sex so unique.
“Ultimately, our bodies are doing something that’s totally vulnerable, and there’s going to be weird sounds and smells and everything in between, and allowing those things to be what they are is important,” Youse said. “Sometimes it’s going to be fun, and sometimes it’s going to suck, and that’s part of what sex is.”
