I have spent the last four years covering Illinois sports as a journalist. Translation: I can’t be a fan. I must check my face paint at the press entrance and I can’t shift in my seat one inch – it may show favoritism to one team. I had forgotten what it’s like to be a fan until I spent Thanksgiving break in California.

Since I couldn’t attend any Illinois press conferences or sporting events, I had to watch things unfold on television, with my family around me – just like a normal fan.

Ron Turner was fired as Illinois football coach while I was eating a stack of pancakes on Nov. 22. I found out Turner was fired like a normal fan – by seeing it on ESPN’s Bottom Line.

Rather than listening to Illinois athletic director Ron Guenther talk about what went wrong, I got a more entertaining take on Turner’s job status.

My dad said, “Why would you celebrate Ron Turner being fired? I had to live through (former Illinois head coach) Gary Moeller. Now his firing – that was something to celebrate.”

He’s right. Turner had a Big Ten championship and two bowl games. Moeller had six wins in 33 games. At least Turner has won more than that since the Sugar Bowl.

Saturday was the basketball team’s first test of the season – Gonzaga. I wasn’t able to see Illinois breeze through the exam – I was five feet from Tiger Woods at the Skins Game. You see, a normal fan can TiVo a game and watch Illinois beat Gonzaga 89-72 four hours after the game ends.

As a journalist, I kind of need to be at the game live and in the flesh to get quotes for my stories. Plus, I get to sit on the floor at Assembly Hall. I never said the job didn’t come with perks.

One plus of watching games on television is everyone can attempt to be Jerry Seinfeld. What is with traveling? It’s not like you’re taking the ball on a trip across South America. Who came up with traveling?

As you can see, journalists and jokes just don’t go together. In fact, because of comments like that, jokes are outlawed in press row.

With Illinois up 18-4 at a television timeout – and the game already decided – a Miller Lite commercial aired. The one with the referees flagging the 1980’s -looking Bud Light deliveryman for trying to be the Rico Suave of beer.

My Uncle Tim said, “The beer commercials are the most exciting part of this game.”

Commercials don’t exist as a journalist. There is always someone dancing or a sombrero hat game for Chevy’s Fresh Mex gift certificates. Since I can’t win the certificates, I guess my uncle may be right. At least with beer commercials, I don’t get teased with potential free beer.

Luther Head hit a three with 8:36 left in the first half. My brother said, “Illinois has 32 points with eight minutes left. If they hit 100 points, do the fans get free tacos?”

Some questions journalists don’t think of.

Illinois was up 58-27 at the half. My family decides Gonzaga should just go home. Which leads to another question, where is Gonzaga at anyway? Spokane, Wash., for the record.

In press row, you can’t leave at halftime. As a fan you can. Or if you’re my family, you can go in the hot tub.

When my brother got out of the 100-degree water, he first asked if the fans got their free tacos. I had to tell him no.

That would never happen on press row.

Bobby La Gesse is a senior in communications. He would like to thank his mother Jody and Aunt Michelle for helping him get through Illinois press conference withdrawal. He can be reached at [email protected].