True beauty is so rare today; if you stare at anything long enough or at an uncomfortable distance you start to see imperfections. Over the weekend, a wise young sage named Jess pointed out all the pictures from her recent semester in Europe. Gazing at so many shots of the most unique and cherished artworks/buildings of all time, I shrugged.

I would consider myself very cultured, and it’s not that I don’t care about history; the problem was that USC was playing on a TV no more than ten feet away from me. To me, that’s beauty.

The wise young sage herself is very beautiful, so when she asks a question I have a harder time lying.

“Are you even paying attention?” she asked.

“Look how fast Reggie Bush is,” I responded. “I bet he can beat anyone in Vatican City in a race.”

If you say something humorous enough they can’t stay mad, a trick perfected on moms throughout the world.

I have thought about what it would be like to study abroad and divulge yourself so completely into a culture that you pick it up through osmosis. But the mental image of me skipping through Italy is crumpled up and thrown in the trash because, honestly, I wouldn’t want to tear myself away from American sports. Michelangelo’s David is undoubtedly a masterpiece, and at this point so is the USC offense; so the question becomes how long can you stare at a 14-foot naked guy made of marble.

I prefer my sports, and I have found my very own David with a Mona Lisa to match. The two most impressive units to watch are USC’s offense and Virginia Tech’s defense. Watching these squads work is poetry; the schemes, the athletes, the coaching, the intensity and the fact that the audience knows they are in the presence of greatness. Fans no longer bleed blue or roll tide; instead they are simply an audience.

USC’s offense features arguably the best quarterback, running back, wide receiver, tight end and offensive lineman in the nation. You have to go back to Penn State’s 1994 offensive juggernaut to even begin to compare the breathtaking simplicity the Trojans show while moving the ball. USC is averaging 66.5 points per game, and both its games have been against bowl teams from last year.

Will their zillion game win streak ever end? Eventually, but not until these guys are playing on Sunday. Matt Leinart is Hollywood’s heartthrob, but coach Pete Carroll is the one who really loves him. Carroll sits on the sideline with pom-poms these days. Bush is averaging a first down every time he touches the ball, and Dwayne Jarrett has a touchdown for every two receptions.

Leinart not only has the most elite arsenal around, but some of those “make-it-look-so-easy-passes” are to the fifth option, who also happens to be an All-American.

If you call yourself a football fan and have not indulged in USC then cross your name off the list. Watching defenses try and stop them is hysterical. Picture a 12th century warrior trying to knock out an F-14 with a spear.

To every undeniable force there is the impenetrable wall, welcome to Frank Beamer’s Frankenstein. Sick of watching Miami beat them up every year in the Big East, he decided to recruit the biggest and fastest secondary these eyes have ever seen.

A few bolts in the neck, a little electricity and you have two straight shutouts and a touchdown every three games. Don’t let Michael Vick’s little brother fool you into believing the defense is the star on this team.

The entire defense is big and physical and follows Dr. Frankenstein’s (Frank Beamer’s) orders and attacks every play. When the Hokie’s play they always enforce their will on opponents. The mark of a great defense is one that schemes the offense, instead of waiting around to be schemed. Virginia Tech learned last year while playing USC that their secondary can stalemate a team’s receivers and allow the rest of the defense to pummel whoever is brave enough to line up in the backfield.

The speed on this defense is what makes it a work of art, they move so fast and have so many different schemes and yet it all flows together. If you like star-power on defense, watch Vince Hall, Xavier Adibi and of course 6-foot-3-inch, 216-pound corner Jimmy Williams. Williams is the best secondary athlete in the country, a fine wine to any college football aficionado.

I watch USC’s offense and the Hokie defense, and the X’s and O’s paint me my masterpiece. We would be so lucky if the two meet in the National Championship. Unlike with art, we would have a decisive winner. For now I’ll put Europe on hold.

Dear Colosseum,

I’m sorry I won’t be making it this year, but I’m occupied by the Trojans; Southern California’s.

P.S. They play in the Colosseum too and have a longer winning streak than Russell Crowe.