Sometimes life is tough; that’s why I turn to AOL Instant Messenger to get me through my day. But you always encounter that stretch of time where everybody online is either boring or annoying, thus spawning the creature known as the away message-reader. People have mutated into something so shady that they need to know what other people are doing instead of leaving the computer.

We are about to stereotype so get ready. I realize making wide generalizations is dangerous, but here it goes; it could be fun.

Typically, guys don’t leave any insight as to what they are doing, and women can not help but make you try to interpret their mood through Sex and the City quotes.

So I am offering a table to the insight of the species, tape this up next to your monitor and the opposite sex will never be clearer. A translation from famous sports quotes to famous Sex and the City quotes.

n “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova.

“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies…” – Carrie

M Translation – Being relentless to do something is to do it 100 percent. Probably studying or completing a paper.

n “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” – Shaquille O’Neal

“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” – Carrie

M Translation – Passionate mood, but above all, one-track minded. Going after a crush or cuddly-movie watching.

n “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“Later that day I got to thinking about fairy tales. What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a health care plan and moved on with her life?” – Carrie

M Translation – Perseverance over the odds makes a person stronger. Had a bad day, but is looking forward to tomorrow and a new sunrise.

n “Winning has always meant much to me, but winning friends has meant the most.” – Babe Didrikson

“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.” – Carrie

M Translation – Out with the buddies, could be a wild night.

n “I want to thank you for making this day necessary.” – Yogi Berra, on Yogi appreciation day

“After a while, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.” – Big

M Translation – Appreciative, somebody has come through in the clutch or gone out of their way to brighten up a day.

n “If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else” – Yogi Berra

“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they’re supposed to run wild until they find someone, just as wild, to run with” – Carrie

M Translation – Nobody knows exactly where they will be in 10 years, but in the end it all seems to work out.

The splicing of two worlds has been complete. In the history of achievements, I have not landed on the moon, but instead split the atom. Historians will look back on this day as the one that Instant Messenger users were brought to the same plane of existence. The AIM dimension can be rough, but use my musings as your compass, and you’ll turn out all right.