It looks like you really can’t teach old dogs new tricks. Or at least you can’t stop old dogs from using their old tricks. What in the world is wrong with our professional sports stars? Can being in the limelight and making millions of dollars be so hard?

The late night SportsCenter last night was a must, because I was looking for where they would place Brian Randle’s jam over Marco Killingsworth. Once again Illinois and Randle got stiffed out of the top ten, but I got the chance to watch two monster stories and shake my head, chuckling ever so slightly.

The stars of the night were not the ones dancing in the All-Star game, nor the NBA popping corks because Lebron James won the MVP.

Instead, most of my quality viewing time was occupied by two usually bizarre subjects: Barry Bonds and Ricky Williams.

It seems that Barry Bonds doesn’t find the game fun and doesn’t care about breaking Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record. It also seems that there are no consequences strong enough to keep Ricky Williams away from Mary Jane.

What is wrong with these people?

Let’s start with the Bonds. Bonds for a long time has said that he has a lot of respect for Aaron and he would almost feel guilty for breaking his record. On the other hand, the man that built baseball has no respect for anyone but himself.

We are talking about the Babe, and Bonds wants nothing more than to play enough games to break his record. Ruth’s record is 7 home runs away while Aaron’s is 47, and instead of wanting to leave the all-time home run king, he may just walk away No. 2. Whether you believe he won’t come back to break it if he is 4 home runs short or not, if you read between the lines, Bonds’ latest antics and claims seem racist.

In the middle of steroid controversy, Bonds’ body is breaking down, he has no cartilage left in his knees and all signs still link him and BALCO. Despite his relation with steroids, because until it is proven you can’t say for sure, his usual self-indulged contradictions are once again making headlines.

He talks about how he is in too much pain to run but wants to rake just enough out of the park to pass the only white guy in his home run path. He speaks about his appreciation of baseball history and hates on the man who carried the sport to prominence. Mr. Bonds, although seemingly inevitable, I hope you don’t catch Babe Ruth and slink away Gollum style. Bonds had the talent and showmanship to be a hero, if it were up to me I’d love to see his home run number this year at zero.

Though it’s not quite as glorified as the BALCO scandal, Ricky Williams’ pro career seems to be surrounded in a purple haze.

Alright Mr. Williams, you are the strangest character since Rodman. I understand some of your words and sometimes you sound like the most educated man in football. Other times I don’t think you live on our planet, or at least in our country.

Ricky Williams was once asked how he was able to hang it up at such an early age when he went to Australia, he said, “when was I supposed to retire, when my knees were too broken to run anymore?”

At the time Ricky sounded like a person who loved playing football but also loved himself and was aware of other-worldly pleasures. After hearing last night that Williams violated the league’s substance abuse policy – again – I couldn’t believe it. You have already been punished for such things, you have lost all your fortune because of drugs and you are on thin ice to be in serious debt with no means to make up the large sum of money you owe.

Are you so distant that you can’t understand the simple rules the NFL and the government puts on you? Your antics and genuine head-in-the-clouds state reminds me of Michael Jackson, post Jackson 5 – not good.

Why is it that some of the people blessed with the most talent seem to find ways to use it the least?

Ian Gold is a senior in Communications. He can be reached at [email protected].