In 2003, I walked onto the field at Memorial Stadium as a nervous freshman, terrified about the prospect of my first trip to football practice. I was so frightened in that moment, so certain I would surely screw up, that I almost cried.

On Saturday, chances are again good that I might fail to hold back tears. But after four years covering Illinois football and three seasons as the beat writer for the Daily Illini, I won’t cry for fear of asking the wrong question.

I won’t cry at the thought of accidentally getting in someone’s way. I won’t cry because I’m afraid of making my first trip to Memorial Stadium.

I’ll cry because it will be my last.

For three seasons I’ve had the privilege of driving the football team absolutely crazy.

I’ve traveled the country covering heartbreakers and huge shockers, have seen every victory and nearly every defeat. I’ve interviewed almost every member of the team, sharing poignant moments and comical conversations I’ll never forget.

I’ve come to live and breathe Illini football, and I can’t imagine a better college experience.

You may see these guys as jocks, thugs, losers. You may think of four disappointing seasons and half a decade without a bowl game. That’s fine. But I see them as some of the most genuine people with the greatest stories ever been told – and it’s been an honor to transcribe those stories for you.

I cannot say enough how much I appreciate the candor with which people like Eric Block, Chris James and Drew McMahon approached interviews.

I will never forget Xavier Fulton asking to pick the lead photo on the sports section, Steve Weatherford interrupting every interview or Josh Norris explaining his theories on male fashion.

If nothing else, I love covering this team for the fervor with which players read my stories. While some athletes insist they don’t pay attention to the press, the football team’s attention to detail keeps me honest.

I’ve been nearly ostracized when errors slip into the paper, been stopped on the Quad to discuss my choice of adjectives and debated minor details more times than I can count.

I cannot express my gratitude to the coaches, players and staff for every ounce of entertainment they’ve given me.

I will have no greater memory of college than sitting at Memorial Stadium during practice on cool fall nights and spring afternoons when the hint of summer is starting to waft in.

Covering Illinois football is my job and my major; it is the thing that stresses me the most and the place I go to relax.

I would be unendingly fortunate to find a similar experience in the real world next year.

So please don’t judge me if you notice a blonde girl with tears streaking her face after tomorrow’s game. Graduating means I may never make it to another Illinois football game.

If I’m lucky I will be working every Saturday for the rest of my life, reporting on high schools or other colleges. If I’m lucky I’ll find a team as enjoyable to cover as the Illini.

But if I’m really lucky, I’ll get to come back.

Courtney Linehan is a graduate student in Communications. She can be reached at [email protected].