Tears in her eyes and a hospital blanket by her side, she lay on the sterile mattress. The environment was far from welcoming and put a smile onto few people’s faces. I had on my light blue flowered dress and was grinning from ear to ear. I still enjoyed playing with dolls and coloring pictures. Playing house was my passion.

“I love you too, and if anything were to ever happen to me I want you to remember that. When the other children in school are making mother’s day projects, make sure you make them too. I will still be able to see them.” Her voice was weak and quiet- she didn’t want to make us cry.

“Okay mommy,” my adolescent mouth muttered. I wasn’t crying, nor was I angry. As most seven-year-olds would, I was just taking it in.

This woman had inspired me to play the piano, to read and to not let anything stop you from loving someone. Being the naive age of seven, I was oblivious; all I knew were the facts: my mom was sick. The school nurse couldn’t fix her, so I knew it was something important.

The next day we found ourselves sitting on the steps of a nearby Seattle chapel. It was late at night and there were no more visitors allowed inside. We didn’t care. It wasn’t about the church. It was about our connection with God and faith at a difficult crossing in our lives.

The bells of the church softly chimed. My dad’s powerful voice echoed in after the bells, “Do you know that every time that happens another angel gets their wings?”

To me, an angel was the white fairy you saw in the pamphlets at church on Sundays, my mom … an angel? I just couldn’t comprehend it.

It was not until I was older that I began to question why. Many have tried to convince me, “It’s the way life is.” But I believe there is a reason.

It’s important in life to search for reason. You must look past all your childhood wishes and dreams and into your heart and soul. It’s a matter of what is, not what could have been.

One word: Strength. My mother exemplified it in every aspect of her life. It was her lesson to me and it is the one lesson that no classroom setting could have ever put into better terms.

She graduated high school early, worked hard for her managing position at work, and stood up to a disease that she knew had ended the lives of others.

She is the primary example of strength in my life. If asked today what one quality do people believe I possess the most- it is strength. I know what I want and how I can achieve it. It is for this reason, that I must thank my mom. Through her passing, her strength has become a part of me.

The images are everywhere: my fifth birthday, a joyous smile spread across my face, my arms wrapped securely around her neck. Looking back, all it took was the click of a button and the blinding flash of a camera.

Now, they are my everything. Pictures provide me with reassurance that the love of a mother is truly infinite. I can’t remember every word spoken or the way she hugged me when I was sad, but these pictures serve as a keepsake that she too showed her love to me, even if I was just too young to remember.

With life’s many collisions it’s impossible to do it all on your own. Sometimes you need someone to pick you up and carry you. It is with her wings she earned that night at the chapel and the strength of will that was forever embedded in her heart, that she carries me.

I know that no matter how alone I may feel she will always and forever be there.

Some may say that the lessons a mother passes to her child are set by her example of life here on Earth.

I believe differently. With the leather-patented bible by her side and her brother nearby reading the miraculous stories of disciples and other believers, she knew that there was reason.

Whether it is the other hundreds of people she might help through research or the independence, maturity and strength her two children will soon develop: God knew what He was doing.

Although my mom isn’t parading the streets of Champaign with me this weekend I know, in my heart, that there is nothing in the whole world she would have rather been doing.

She’s with me in spirit, not just now, but always. In some unique ways, that may make me the luckiest girl in the world.