Underneath the tattoos, the scruffy beard and the sleeveless workout shirt beats my heart. It may not be cool or manly to write about heartbreak, but it is honest — the word a writer must commit himself to more than any other. It took a good two months for me to get over my first heartbreak, but I’m back on my feet. I offer you my guidelines to walking tall once again.

Are you man enough to cry?

It takes a real man to dare to love, and the pain following a breakup is as real as you allowed your love to be. I felt my first love with every fiber in my body and my whole being cringed when I shed those tears. They came a couple times. The pain was ineffable and I wrenched it through my body the only way I knew how. I am not ashamed to have loved and I am not ashamed to have cried. It is part of the game I am willing to play — and the first step to moving on.

Avoid destructive behaviors.

I was an emotional maelstrom after my breakup. The passion I once directed into my relationship was no longer accepted, and it would have been easy to drive those feelings into the next outlet I found. But beware. Drugs and alcohol offer no blueprints to the construction site within. It is enticing to fill the hole where a girlfriend once stood with a new lady, especially a pretty one, but remember that you love love — not the actions left empty without it. Getting over heartbreak is a long process. The urge to make everything better immediately will breed hollow results.

Date yourself.

Where I originally felt degradation, I eventually saw potential for growth. Funnel your emotion into creative and productive action. A healthy relationship should involve learning about both your partner and yourself. Date yourself. I was surprised to find how different I was from what I remembered before my relationship. I worked to change the things I didn’t like, and I am happier now because I refocused my actions toward my goals and dreams. Writing lists of daily goals that, over time, will lead to my big dreams has worked for me. As badly as I want a relationship, I have to put my other goals first. By streamlining your routine for success, you will make yourself both happier and more attractive to the future beauties. Take the time to be healthfully selfish.

Talk to close friends (and your mom).

Since this is a time to readjust, see who your real friends are. Close friends will say more than, “Oh, that sucks.” They will share stories of their own breakups and shed light on the potential pitfalls. I can thank my close friends for both my recovery and this column. And don’t forget your mother. She’s been through a few heartbreaks in her day, and will be more than willing to share her wisdom with her son. I grew closer to my mother than ever by talking about my heartbreak with her. A mom is perfect for such a gentle topic as love and such a fragile construct as manhood.

Exercise.

It’s great to channel your emotion into acts of a healthy mind and healthy soul, but sometimes the body is the only way to get it out. Anger, depression and confusion were frequent visitors early on and I battled them in the gym. The endorphins released from a hardy workout will quiet the demons that can easily seep in after a breakup. The physical results will help boost self-confidence … and everyone knows chicks dig guys with muscles.

It’s alright to think about her still, in a mature way.

She will not just go away. My ex still visits me in my dreams. Or maybe they’re nightmares? Either way, love can be buried deeply and beaten badly, but it will not die. It is natural to wonder what could have been. But do not dwell on the past. If you still care for her, realize that what makes her happy should make you happy. It is going to hurt like hell to see my ex when I get back on campus and potentially see her with someone else, but our time together was not for naught and we learned valuable lessons together.

Phil is a junior in Media.