“It’s climbin’ in yo dorm windows, it’s snatchin’ yo roommate up. So hide yo kids, hide yo wife, because The U of I Plague is comin’ for you.”

Sung to the tune of the Bed Intruder song, those words are truer than ever. It’s officially autumn, and everyone knows that the change of the season brings on disease. But not just any disease: The U of I Plague.

I caught it, but I’m most certainly not the only one. The cold and flu aisle at Walgreens was packed with sniffling students this past week. And I’ve seen countless Twitter and Facebook statuses from other U of I kids, complaining about their sicknesses. Something’s going around, all right. The U of I Plague is taking over.

Being sick at college is weird. My mom isn’t here to give me medicine; I had to call her while I was at Walgreens and ask what to buy. And I had to make my own chicken noodle soup. It exploded in the microwave. #suckstosuck

I thought I was being careful. I always wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, I take frequent naps, and when I first started feeling sickly, I chugged water laced with vitamin C powder. But, alas, my actions couldn’t fight against The Plague.

My roomie is ill, too. She’s been coughing like a cigarette-addicted truck driver. So I guess it’s a good thing she made a trip to the McKinley Health Center.

“So, how’d it go?” I asked when she got back, still coughing and still looking weepy-eyed.

“They asked me if I was pregnant as I sat there hacking my lungs away. But I got meds!” Katherine declared as she triumphantly held her medication in the air.

She’s on the road to recovery, but many other students are far from that journey. In every single class, I sit there listening to the not-so-sweet sound of sniffling. You know, the sound we all love to hate. The sound of boogers, the sound of snot. It’s disgusting.

So let’s stop it now. Let’s end the sniffling; let’s fight against The U of I Plague. Here’s how we can do it:

Number 1: WASH YOUR FREAKING HANDS. With soap. People always think they can fool others by holding their hands under the water for a few seconds. Nope, that doesn’t cut it. Soap is the answer.

Number 2: Cover your mouth when you cough. I realize that it’s hard to lift your heavy hand up to your face when you feel a cough coming on. We college kids are lazy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t use manners.

No. 3: If worse comes to worse, don’t be afraid to hit up McKinley. I’ve been there; it’s not so bad. Plus, there’s a Jimmy John’s a block away. You can get some meds and get a sandwich. A win-win situation, in my humble opinion.

Follow those steps and you will surely defeat The U of I Plague.