My parents are going on 25 years of marriage. My grandparents are rounding in on 51 years.

My grandma met my grandpa during her senior year of high school when she travelled to Shelbyville, Ill., from Denmark to study in the U.S. for a year. My parents met a few years out of college while playing volleyball.

Both are in the type of relationship that people dream and hope for: happy, healthy and loving.

But unfortunately, most of us have to experience heartbreak and pain before we get to that point. Breakups are an inevitable part of dating — it’s very rare to find the right person on the first try. They come with a truckload of emotions that take time to sort through both with yourself and other people, so that you can eventually heal. It’s not easy, but you have to believe that things will get better, and you will eventually find the right person that you can one day celebrate 50 years of marriage with.

My friends and I always say that now we’re out of high school, we should be dating guys that we could see ourselves marrying. This may seem reasonable (why would you date someone you couldn’t see yourself with for the long run?), but it puts a lot of pressure on us. We have four years of college, which is not much time to find the right person. It puts a timer on feelings, which may lead to settling for 10th best.

I’ve come to reject this way of thinking. Though my grandparents met before college, my parents did not know each other existed until years out of school.

“It’s like a bolt of lightning,” my grandma says about relationships. “They come when you’re least expecting it.”

So until we meet that right person, we’re going to try other relationships and deal with all the emotions that come with, the good and the bad.

And when relationships do turn sour, you must remember that you are not alone.

If you broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend over infidelity, you are not alone. If you were broken up with because your girlfriend or boyfriend did not feel the same way about you anymore, you are not alone. If the relationship ended because of false hopes that things between the two of you would improve, you are not alone. And of course there are countless other reasons that relationships end, with each one leaving you feeling hurt.

And among the 42,000 University students, all enjoying the “best years of their lives,” with Facebook pictures of friends getting drunk at Cly’s and statuses about how fun last night was, it can seem like you are the only one in pain. 

It may seem like you’re the only one trying to put on a happy face while masking that hollow feeling in your chest. But most people experience difficult breakups, and it may take a long time to feel right again.

From personal and from friends’ experiences, I know that you’re going to yearn for what once was and hope that things can work out again. You’re going to feel empty and wonder how you’ll ever be happy again. You’re going to question yourself, and potentially lose the motivation that you once had.

But relationships end for a reason, and it’s best to keep looking forward. Try to fend off the feelings of going back to a broken relationship because you miss being in a relationship. Do not feel the need to settle, for we deserve the best relationship possible. Realize that while a relationship may not have been all bad, there were parts to it that the right relationship would not have. Do not blame yourself for not being able to get over a breakup quickly, for feelings are not trivial. There is no switch to turn feelings off, and therefore we must come to terms with what we are feeling. The best way to do this is to talk to other people.

Seek out whomever you can — your family, friends and professionals — to talk out your emotions. It’s so easy to jumble everything up in our minds and make illogical things from the logical. People want to help you, so seek solace in someone else’s words. 

And remember, things will get better. Time is essential to heal the wounds. I know that’s not easy to hear, for we all want an instant cure. But we’ve got to be realistic.

I find the following quote by Michelle Obama helpful:

“Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts. You know, good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with.” 

Go seek out those who love and support you and take as long as you need to heal. Eventually, that bolt of lightning will strike. And you will know when it’s right.

Kirsten is a sophomore in Media. She can be reached at [email protected].