I consider myself a procrastinator. I tell myself I’ll get things done, and then … well, you know. Told myself to do work on Thursday night, after the Illini game. Plans changed drastically, in about 0.9 seconds. Told myself to do work on Saturday night, but Notre Dame and Louisville decided to serenade me with five overtimes. Didn’t even consider doing work on Sunday, the Illini and the Grammys were on. Double whammy.

To think that my lack of productivity streak would culminate at the beginning of another class-filled week with the occasional session of FIFA 13 would most likely be the right answer. “Valentine’s Day this week, right? Someone special on your mind, Maxwell?” My subconscious would be half correct in that instance because it’s not so much someone on my mind but something. Alas, we’ve reached the knockout stage of the Union of European Football Associations Champions League. Sixteen teams and 32 fixtures played over the course of a month to cut the field to eight.One match on each teams’ home soil with the winner determined by aggregate scoring. So compelling for how dragged out it sounds.

As the January transfer window closes, teams have been either strengthening or declining due to the climate of big money, European soccer. So with eight teams in action this week in their first legs of action, I’m about to take you on a column-sized Eurotrip.

Real Madrid versus Manchester United (Santiago Bernabeu)

By far the most compelling matchup of the knockout stage, and not just because the voice of March Madness, Gus Johnson, is trading the hardwood for the pitch, as he makes his European debut with FOX Soccer. Good luck, Gus. Bring all the “Rise and Fire” you can to describe Cristiano Ronaldo when he attempts a free kick.

Speaking of Ronaldo, we finally get to see the long-awaited reunion with Sir Alex Ferguson and his former club. Real Madrid is floundering in La Liga, staring up at Barcelona, which has a 16-point reclining cushion. Barcelona barely escaped group play, granted it was in the “Group of Death” that featured the 2012 league champions from four different countries. Luka Modric is the Orlando Magic’s Rashard Lewis of European soccer: grossly overpaid, we all know it, we envy him, we can do nothing about it. Come on, Jose Mourinho, turn your head on La Liga and put all your chips in the Champions League. Wait, that’s bias coming out.

While Real is skidding, United is surging in the English Premiere League, now 12 points clear of rival Manchester City. Robin Van Persie is having a Kevin Durant-like year, scoring at will and in volume. Emotions will be high, storylines aplenty, but the better back four will make it through.

• Result: Manchester United 4-3 on aggregate

Valencia versus Paris Saint-Germain (Mestalla)

Qatar is the petit country hosting the 2022 World Cup. Qatar is also the petit country that the investment group which owns Paris Saint-Germain hails from. These Qatari folk are not shy in the slightest to pull out their checkbook. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Thiago Silva, Lucas Moura were signings that combined for more than $120 million for the French side that will have its logo next to the definition of “superteam” in the latest dictionary. But its biggest signing this season was one that didn’t cost a dime, when 37-year-old David Beckham arrived on a free transfer from the Los Angeles Galaxy. Now, for someone who is at the end of his career, it’s not like he’d enter the club on a speedboat in a tuxedo like he did in the London 2012 opening ceremony. But Paris certainly still welcomed him like that. Old or not, Beckham is still a soccer icon. He’ll put fans in the seats and will make PSG into quite the contender in the final stretch of Ligue 1 and Champions League.

• Result: PSG 3-1 on aggregate

Celtic versus Juventus (Celtic Park)

Celtic is the feel-good story of the entire tournament, your George Mason. I can’t call the team a Butler because we’ve yet to see consistency from it. Or a Scottish Brad Stevens. The Celtic green may be out in full force in Glasgow, but this isn’t the luck of the Irish. And St. Patrick’s Day is still more than a month away. Juventus, like its play in Serie A, has taken care of its business in the group stage. Cool as you like, with quality in all 11 positions. Hard-nosed, Italian defense. “Hanno intenzione di imparare oggi.” Italian for “They gonna learn today.”

• Result: Juventus 5-1 on aggregate

Shakhtar Donetsk versus Borussia Dortmund (Donbass Arena)

These are the two pleasant surprises of the tournament. Crazy to think that Dortmund was picked to finish behind Real Madrid and Manchester City in the Group of Death. The German side won the group. Jokes on you, Mancini. Not only did Dortmund win the group, the team dominated it. So much to the point where it is one of the favorites, despite being left in the dust by Bayern Munich in the Bundesliga.

Shakhtar stole what was expected to be Chelsea’s reservation in the round of 16. The Ukranian side, led by a Brazilian attack of William and Luiz Adriano, knocked out the defending European champions from the group stage, a first in Champions League history. It was lucky not to lose any of its valuable players during the transfer window, but it will be a daunting task when it takes on the most consistent side in the tournament so far.

• Result: Borussia Dortmund 4-2 on aggregate

Max is a senior in Media. He can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @AirMaxTane.