The difference between same-sex and heterosexual marriage: One is bound to have a lot more glitter and a lot more Cher. The Associated Press influenced the other difference. The AP wants reporters to use the terms husband and wife to exclusively describe anyone in a legally recognized marriage. Narrow rules are essentially the AP’s function, so they’ll allow “spouse” or “partner” when requested by a source. 

The AP isn’t candidly taking a stance on same-sex couples or even same-sex marriage. They’re promoting the idea that one type of marriage isn’t more appreciated than the other or more deserving of identification and labels than the other. 

What the AP is doing is playing this fairly because they are not privileging some view of marriage — they are following what several states’ laws already declare. Marriage, between two people regardless of sex, reflects status. It reflects the validation of love and commitment between two people. Not a man and a woman, not two women and not two men — just two people. This new entry implies that the only definition for marriage is a legal one. It implies there is no inherent difference between the love and marriages between a heterosexual or a homosexual couple. 

Same-sex marriage is legal, at least in nine states. Same-sex marriages endure the same trials and tribulations as heterosexual marriages. The AP is not allowing linguistics or differences in semantics to set the standards for love, commitment and the words we use to describe the people we share those things with. 

The timeliness of the AP’s decision couldn’t be more convenient. After never addressing the issue of what types of marriages get the rights to wifehood and husbandhood, they chose to do so now, just as same-sex marriage gains the most momentum and attention.

Before the AP released this new entry into their stylebook, they debated about which contexts require the use of husband or wife, at first thinking that partner and couple should be used in favor of husband or wife. Luckily, the “husband, wife” entry is the exact opposite in the stylebook.

This entry, as small as it may look, is a large step in the right direction. The AP is joining the ranks of other major organizations that set standards and guidelines for formatting. The American Psychological Association reiterated its support for same-sex marriage in 2011. The American Medical Association has been working with the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association since 2005 to improve health care access and working environments for LGBT patients and medical staff or students. 

The AP reversing its rule says more than just that it supports treating all marriages equally. It speaks louder than just accurate reporting and promoting equal status. It’s also changing the way we see and think about same-sex marriage issues.

But while we allow heterosexual couples to identify themselves as partners or husband and wife, same-sex couples don’t have the freedom to use these terms interchangeably everywhere in society.

There is a difference in perception when you come across “John and his partner” and “Sarah and her wife.” One is ambiguous and the other is specific. One has substance and the other lacks character. There are questions that come along when referring to someone’s partner such as “What is their sex?” and “What if they married?” But with husband and wife, those questions aren’t asked because the answers are overt and implied. The purpose is to glance over the phrase “John and his husband” and not even blink.

Encouraging media outlets to use partner rather than husband or wife isn’t just inaccurate, it harms the way people perceive same-sex marriage. Frequent exposure is frequent reinforcing. The more we expose people to partner versus husband or wife, the more we reinforce the idea that people in same-sex marriages are inherently unmatched to heterosexual marriages. And the exact opposite goes for if we emphasize husband and wife.

If we don’t use husband to refer to legally married men and wife to refer to legally married women, we aren’t doing dictionaries around the world justice. Equally defining marriage across the board is the most important. Maybe that way, everyone’s marriage wouldn’t be vague. That way, every time we come across so-and-so and their partner, we don’t have to ask questions. The goal is not to distinguish between same-sex marriage and heterosexual marriage because they are both the same — there are not two defined kinds of marriages. And essentially that’s how marriage should be — undefined.

Adam is a junior in ACES. He can be reached at [email protected].