The Minnesota and Illinois men’s basketball teams’ resumes cross his desk. For posterity’s sake, Goldy the Gopher and a giant I sit in front of the CEO as the final two candidates for the gig. The employer glances at both sheets of paper. He winces, removes his glasses and wipes the sweat from his brow.

The CEO pushes his chair from his desk and stands up.

“I don’t envy either of you,” he says. “You’ve both been to hell and back.”

This year’s Big Ten season has been the equivalent of working for the sadistic offspring of Scrooge and Cruella de Vil. It’s been what everyone expected, an absolute dogfight.

Thursday’s opening round matchup between Illinois and Minnesota should be no different. As of now, they’re many experts’ last two Big Ten teams in the NCAA tournament.

Illinois and Minnesota have similar resumes in terms of good wins and bad losses. 

Both have defeated No. 1 Indiana at its peak, won a nonconference game against a ranked opponent and hit horrible lulls in the Big Ten. But they’re here. 

Returning to the CEO analogy, he’ll no doubt give both teams the benefit of the doubt for putting in their time in poor conditions.

Minnesota slugged it out in the mailroom, using its interior toughness to lead the Big Ten in rebounding margin (plus-8.1) and total offensive rebounds (15 per game).

Illinois is the temp, holding on by a thread with every timeout. The Illini shot 773 3-pointers this season, good for eighth-most in the NCAA. Their 3-point percentage as a team (33 percent) ranks seventh in the Big Ten, but they also make the most 3’s per game in the conference at 7.9.

Both teams seem headed for the Big Dance, but nothing’s guaranteed. Let’s take a look at how their resumes stack up:

Illini: Supporting Cast:

D.J. Richardson: Averaging 15 PPG in Big Ten play. He’s been the unquestioned leader of this Illini squad since it rebounded from losing six of seven conference games in January.

Tracy Abrams: Averaging 1.4 steals per game. Dropped 27 points and pulled down eight rebounds in Illini’s Dec. 29 game at the United Center.

Nnanna Egwu: Averaging 1.3 blockers per game. His presence on the boards is going to be crucial in stopping Mbakwe. Must stay out of foul trouble.

Tyler Griffey: When he’s on, he’s on. He’s made 37 3-pointers this season.

Sam McLaurin: Must hit the boards against Minnesota. The fifth-year senior is averaging 2.2 offensive rebounds per game.

Joe Bertrand: Shooting 50.8 percent this season from the field.

Minnesota: Supporting Cast:

Andre Hollins: Averaging 14 PPG on the season. One of the most dangerous scorers in the Big Ten. 

Rodney Williams: Was injured for Illini’s win over Gophers. Presence could be the difference. Top-five dunker in the Big Ten.

Austin Hollins: Averaging 10.4 points and 1.7 steals per game. Scored 16 points against Illinois in Feb. 10 loss.

Joe Coleman: While he usually shoots 31% from 3-point range, Coleman lit the Illini up in the two teams’ first matchup. He scored 29 points on 7-for-8 shooting and drained 2-of-3 attempts from distance.

Julian Welch: A bench player who will eat minutes. Scored a season-high 10 points against Penn State on March 2.

Elliott Eliason: A 6-foot-11 center who can rebound the ball. He pulled down 10 boards and had two blocks in the Gophers’ Feb. 10 loss.