By now, most University students on Facebook (so presumably everyone who doesn’t live under a rock) have gotten wind of the University of Illinois Secret Admirer page. It was created earlier this month and already has well more than 3,000 likes.

The page works by having people fill out a blurb confessing their campus crush through a Survey Monkey link that ensures their anonymity. Many of these posts follow the same pattern of writing about that person they saw on the Quad and how she thought he was a total hunk of good-looking beefcake.

If the person gets lucky, someone else comments on the post with, “Omg they are totally talking about Chad McDreamy.” As a result, the anonymous contributor is now able to Facebook creep Chad — and that’s about it.

Great success. Congratulations on now being a certified Facebook stalker.

With a deflated fairy-tale ending such as this, it leads me to ask, what exactly is the point of the University of Illinois Secret Admirer page?

Dozens of people have already contributed to this group by revealing some long-lost connection they had at a bar, in class, the gym or in the basement of some frat with the old, “I should have talked to you while I had the chance.”

Other posts reveal long, sappy and almost vomit-inducing declarations of love. Some person may gush about that brunette girl who lives down the hall and how she is supposedly the most beautiful girl on campus. Luckily, most of these descriptions are vague enough to apply to a vast majority of us so at least we may get a little ego boost out of it. But what does Romeo get out of it other than a virtual confession?

Then there are the posts that scream phony. These entail someone describing his fellow frat-bro in a desperate attempt to be funny. It’s not even that I don’t appreciate the idea behind a fake, exaggerated post, because this Facebook page begs to be satirized. However, most of them are just poorly executed.

Next, there are posts that are downright raunchy — just straight-up telling a dude that his rippling muscles have grabbed her attention or letting a chick know that she’s a babe. One of my favorite secret admirer contributions is the post that embeds the music video for “I Fink U Freeky” by Die Antwoord. It’s honest and direct, nothing is expected, and it lets someone know — keep up the good work. And finally, there are the people who get straight to the point and simply type in the person’s name that they are lusting after. While seemingly gutsy, the lack of revealing one’s own name takes away from this ideal ending.

With the content of this page more or less spelled out, this brings me back to my original question: What’s the point? Do these anonymous contributors post to find out who the person they desire is? And even if they do figure it out, will they even do anything about it and make a first move?

Granted, I have never been on the inside workings of any of these posts, so if the game of matchmaker is really being played, I’d like to know. I really do enjoy this page because everyone can relate to the feeling of missed opportunity. There is always that guy or girl you see walking on campus, and sometimes it just leaves you thinking, “Damn.”

Nine times out of 10, we never pursue that person and our lives move on with a slight twinge of regret. It seems as if this Facebook page is made to help alleviate some of that regret and potentially rekindle missed connections, but is that really what is happening? I’d be interested to find out how many people who posted actually found the courage to confront their crush after taking away their Internet shield.

For the other few hundred of us who have liked the page but have not contributed, there is an underlying purpose. While it is entertaining to read the posts and see if we can guess who the object of affection is, let’s be honest: We scroll through vigorously looking for descriptions of ourselves. I would be lying if I said I never looked for the description of a short girl — the one with the purple backpack who still has toothpaste on her mouth and looks like she did her hair with her eyes closed.

Nicki is a sophomore in Media. She can be reached at [email protected].