Column: Women: Do your part

By Lovette Ajayi

The pressure of relationships is usually on the guy, but women can also do their part in the initiation as well as maintenance of a healthy relationship.

When we are interested in a guy, we flirt and throw out signs letting him know of our interest, and they can be so subtle that he doesn’t recognize them. Then we get mad when he goes out with someone else, and we take it personally. If we want him, we should go for him, and sometimes just flirting isn’t enough. Blatancy is called for at times, and we should not be so afraid to make the initial pass.

What happens on the first date can lay the foundation for the type of relationship that might result. This could be the difference between a date that ends up in an actual relationship later on, or it might doom it to be one with the status of friends-with-benefits. The end of the night can very well determine whether the next time you see him will be on another date, or if he will be calling you at 4 a.m. telling you to come over. If you want a purely physical relationship as opposed to a boyfriend, then sex on the first date is not an undesired result. However, if you set out wanting a relationship, and you have sex on the first date, there isn’t much chase left for the guy. He might be satisfied with the physical aspect, and what is the point of making it a committed relationship when he is getting the same physical benefits as if it was? So we should go into the date knowing what we want, and doing what we can to make sure it materializes.

When we do get in a relationship, we must keep certain things in mind.

Being in a loving, committed relationship is a wonderful thing. Sometimes, we find that our partners become our closest friend, but one thing we shouldn’t do is make them our ONLY friend. Some women have the tendency to put their partners on a pedestal and not feel the need to maintain their other relationships because they have HIM. This is very erroneous because if they break up then there is no one to turn to. Your friends would probably not feel a strong obligation in dropping everything to support you because you took their presence for granted previously. So please, keep your social system relevant even if you are partnered up.

I’m sure we all want to keep our partners to ourselves, but let them be who they are, and their independence away from your relationship is as important as yours. After spending four days straight with your guy, it is all right for him to need some testosterone presence. Let him go out with the guys without tripping about it. Sometimes, you might even encourage him to go out with them while you do a ladies’ night out yourself. It is not fair to expect your boyfriend to want to be with you ALL THE TIME because, honestly, both of you still need to have other interests apart from each other.

Just because you are going out does not mean you need to be joined at the hip, doing everything together and loving movies that you hated because your man does. Individuality can get lost in the couplehood, but it is important to remain who you were before you fell in love. We are all expected to mature as circumstances shape us, but maturity and a personality change are two distinct things. If you were outgoing before you got a boyfriend, why are you suddenly an introvert? If you valued certain things, don’t change them because he doesn’t have the same mores.

Relationships are complicated and sometimes they end no matter what we do. All we can do is be conscious of ourselves. Stay positive!!