New ‘Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches’ makes spring break seem closer

Who’s pumped for spring break ’09?! Well, I certainly am. I almost want to abbreviate the Spring Break to SB and immediately create a Facebook album entitled “SB ’09” where I can post lots of pictures of me and my friends getting wasted and laying out all day on a beach in Florida (“almost” is the o…Who’s pumped for spring break ’09?! Well, I certainly am. I almost want to abbreviate the Spring Break to SB and immediately create a Facebook album entitled “SB ’09” where I can post lots of pictures of me and my friends getting wasted and laying out all day on a beach in Florida (“almost” is the operative word here.)

I’m so excited to finally be going somewhere for spring break that I’ve been mentally preparing myself for the beach and have forgotten all about my midterms (this is a little unfortunate because I have one this week).

In order to prepare myself, I’ve been doing a lot of things: shopping for a new bikini, going(ish) to the gym, gathering all of my warm-weather clothes, and calculating how much this week of fun is going to cost me. But that’s not all.

I also watched the premiere episode of “Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches” on the Travel Channel. I’ve been waiting for this show to premiere and it finally did at 9 p.m. last Thursday.

The show features Bridget Marquardt, formerly of “The Girls Next Door,” prancing around in various bikinis as she highlights different, presumably sexy, places around the world. I say “places” because while she’s supposed to be highlighting beaches, she didn’t really stick to that in her first episode.

In it, Bridget traveled to Australia to ostensibly visit Bondi Beach and Manly Beach in Sydney, as well as the Gold Coast and Noosa Beach in northeast Australia.

After watching the hour-long show, I had mixed feelings. First of all, I hate how she narrates. She is completely monotone and it’s easy to picture her reading from a script, slowly spooling out in front of her. I also don’t think she’s that entertaining and unfortunately, she gets way more screen time than she deserves.

Luckily for her though, the places she visited in the first episode were fascinating and the people she talked to were fun (and as a bonus, the episode features Bridget sand-surfing down a huge mound of sand, which results in her eating a huge mouthful).

She also makes awful jokes — “we’re down under, but we’re really at the top” — and awkwardly laughs when she doesn’t know what to say. It’s not a live show, but you’ll think it is. But again, the places she goes really make up for most of the bad things.

I loved when she went to pet kangaroos and koalas because I learned that koalas sleep hugging trees, and it was the cutest thing ever!

I’m glad that this show is not exactly “Taradise” with Tara Reid and Bridget didn’t feel the need to get hammered in the first episode (hopefully she won’t in later episodes) and make a fool of herself.

Yet, Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches once again proves that if you screw the right people in Hollywood, it’s easy to be rewarded with your own show (see also Kendra Wilkinson and Kim Kardashian).

I also am amused by the fact that Travel Channel wants people to believe Bridget didn’t just get this TV show because she was Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend. On its Web site, in Bridget’s “about me” section, it reads: “Bridget is best known as one of ‘The Girls Next Door’ but has also been a guest correspondent for ‘Extra!’ and KTLA. She has appeared in VH1’s ‘Celebrity Paranormal Project,’ ‘Scary Movie 4,’ ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm,’ ‘Entourage’ and NBC’s ‘Identity.'”

Quite the impressive list of “credentials” but honestly, who actually believes that she is someone to be taken seriously? And if they do want to convince people she’s serious, they shouldn’t have her list her turn-ons and turn-offs at the end of the trip. All that does is highlight the fact that she’s there to sell sex, as well as result in Bridget saying weird things like: my turn-ons include holding a koala, riding camels and sand surfing.

But if you don’t need a travel show with a serious host, or want to see cute animals, or learn more about the trouble that can be scrounged up within a 15 minute walk from Australia’s popular beaches, check this show out.

Loggins is a senior in Media who wants to know if Australia’s “meter maids” put money in meters so surfers don’t get parking tickets. She can be reached at [email protected]