A guide to women

By Angela Loiacono

In honor of the upcoming holiday, I have compiled a bit of advice for men. It has become increasingly apparent to me that many men struggle to understand women on every level possible. From the faces they make to the things they say, women continue to be Man’s Greatest Mystery. Sure, it involves some work and a wee bit of memorization, but trust me boys, it just may be worth it.

First of all, men need to understand that many women really are complex. They will do their best to argue against it, but women play games – and play them well. Women expect that men will understand what they mean, even if it’s the opposite of what they say.

Now, I’m doing my best to represent what most women are like, and it might be hard to take it in all at once. But it’s OK boys – it’s not your fault you have that pesky Y chromosome. Let me break it down for you and give you some examples.

Let’s say you’ve done one of those crazy boy things and made a comment about how your girlfriend should go make you a sandwich because women belong in the kitchen. If you can’t figure out why that’s wrong, stop reading – there’s no hope for you. For the rest of you, pay attention. Your girlfriend will most likely respond with a dirty look. This should be your first hint that you’re in trouble. Many men will attempt to recover and explain that they were kidding. This explanation doesn’t do the job. The typical woman will shrug her shoulders and say, “Ok, whatever, just forget it.” This is not, I repeat is not, what she really means. This is a red flag that you need to apologize and make her a sandwich. If you let it go, you’ll only be in more trouble later.

There’s always the infamous, “Just go.” After a little tussle with your girl, she won’t want to engage in conversation with you and out of frustration, she’ll tell you to leave. But really, she just wants you to stay and discuss the situation with her. She’s either extremely irritated or just trying to find out if you are willing to work things out. This is judged by whether or not you want to discuss the problem right then.

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I’m also going to offer a few things that men just shouldn’t do. Under no circumstances do I recommend these things to any male.

Don’t ever tell a girl something just to make her happy. Being honest is something that every person can appreciate, and women are no exception. You never want to lose a woman’s trust because many of us make it hard to get back.

Don’t ever forget to call for three days. This unfortunate trend found in some men gives women the idea that men just don’t care. If you actually like this girl, let her know by showing interest.

There are, however, some Rico Suave characters out there who know how to put on the charm and become a knight in shining armor. Here are a few hints from them.

Do something just because. Leave her a cute note on her desk and tell her that you’re lucky to have her.

Tell her she looks beautiful in sweats – and mean it. It’s always good to make her melt every once in a while.

Try to compromise. Try hard to find the happy medium between the two of you.

Relationships are far more complicated than any of us would like them to be. But as soon as you find someone you want to be in one with, it’ll work itself out. But I have to offer a warning to all the men out there. If your girlfriends read this, they’ll be expecting you to understand them a little better. So take notes, they may help you one day.