Las Vegas: a wonderful land where no one thinks about things like homework or writing papers, or even about whether or not they are graduating, and instead walk down the streets carrying tropical drinks a yard long, while strange men hand them cards for prostitutes named Shyla.

After becoming accustomed to this icecreamtastical land, I was suddenly ripped back to this dump and, reminiscent of A Clockwork Orange, my eyes were pried open and I was forced to watch NCAA basketball and stories covering Terri Schiavo, in equal proportion, 24 hours a day.

Let me prelude this article by saying that I think the media is being really irresponsible by over-reporting the Terri Schiavo case.ÿIt’s as if these people don’t realize that I rely on them to find fresh new stories for me to write about. I know little about NCAA basketball (and by ‘know,’ I mean ‘care’), and therefore am forced to write what we in the biz are calling, “the inevitable Schiavo article.”

This weekend I happened upon a Schiavo-dedicated episode of Larry King Live, in which Pat Boone, an apparent expert on the case, was a guest on the show. When discussion came up about the court’s ruling that Terri Schiavo’s expressed wish was to be taken off artificial life support of any kind,ÿBoone said that we all say “crazy” things when we are young that we wouldn’t want to be held to when we are older.

Somehow I don’t think that Pat Boone, geriatric or not, has any superior ability to make a decision about life support than, say, me. Not just because I am nimbler, but because I can actually put together a coherent thought process. Here’s just one example: Speculating on what an older, non-brain damaged Terri Schiavo might or might not have wanted is feeble-minded and useless, so let’s go on what she said before.

I am also smart enough to know that there are thousands of cases like Schiavo’s going on right now, in which someone is being taken off of a feeding tube or life support. The only reason we are talking about this particular case is because pro-life advocates have chosen it as their cause c‚lŠbre in order to get the word out on Life.

Honestly, I am glad the public is going to be able to see this faction in action. Wow I am so awesome at rhyming it just blew my mind right there – I think it is good for normal people who are torn on the abortion debate to see these crazy-ass protesters outside Terri Schiavo’s hospice go into convulsions because of their bodies being taken over by the holy ghost.

It makes regular people less likely to want to align themselves with those who are attempting to charm snakes in order to feed Terri. Snakes have the power because they are stealthy and can get past hospital attendants.

Also, the hit that Richard Alan Meywes put on Michael Schiavo shows just what hypocrites these people are.ÿAs the Missouri billboards ask, what part of “thou shalt not” don’t you understand, Richard Alan Meywes? If God were here right now, he would tell you to talk to the hand cuz the face just don’t understand.

Although I am sick of seeing this story on the news ad nauseam, I can at least get a little satisfaction out of watching the Republicans squirm. If they decide to put the feeding tube back in because the Religious Right owns them now, then they are going against the Republican ideal of small government and will inevitably lose some moderate voters.ÿIf they don’t put the feeding tube back in, the Christian Right Wing may wise up to the fact that Republicans just pay them lip service for their votes. It is what we in the biz call “the double dis.”