Walter Wagner’s 1956 horror flick The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is centered around the idea that aliens from outer space are capable of reaching Earth in a form other than a silver saucer with flashing lights. “Space Seeds” from another planet enter the atmosphere, attach to plants and grow into large pods. These pods then turn into human bodies that absorb the souls of host humans while they sleep. Slowly, the main character watches as all of his friends, co-workers and soon an entire city become alien droids programmed to do the unexplainable.

Hopefully this fictional phenomenon can also explain the recent outbreak of irrational liberalism on our campus. Otherwise, I fear we may be doomed as an entire human race.

If you didn’t notice, last week our campus featured homosexuals in the spotlight 24/7.

One day, I read a front-page thriller about a sidewalk chalking at Allen Hall of a person who chose to obtain multi-sex reproductive organs. While people are dying in the United States and abroad, a new pope is being selected, and the Bulls have clinched their first playoff berth since 1998, we have to read about an insensitive chalking on page one. It might have been more appropriately covered in an “I Hate Pam” comic strip. At least more people would have read past the first sentence.

Next, colleague Chris Kozak was targeted in letters to the editor for not being sensitive to these people’s needs and was told that transsexuals are not confused. Confusion, as I understand it, is not knowing the answer to a statistics problem. You might be confused if you misplaced your University ID. However, in my opinion, you are sure as hell confused if you don’t like the parts that God put under your hood, and think it’s normal to switch from a four-cylinder engine to a six while doing 80 mph on the expressway of life – if you catch my drift.

The only day we weren’t subjected to this liberal whine was on The Day of Silence, when LGBT people and their friends take a vow of silence. I’m not sure if this represents how they view themselves in society or underscores the “vast oppression” of LGBT people (even though Champaign-Urbana features more Republican bashing than gay bashing – I can’t help it, I was born this way), but the quiet was a welcome change. Maybe the Guy with Non-violent Eating Brochures should take a vow of silence, and he can get his issue out in an open forum.

The University even sent out a 20-minute-long survey, which I actually took, regarding the treatment of LGBT students and faculty at the University. One question asked students if classroom examples routinely include “non-heterosexist language.”

I stopped for a second, and had to think like a liberal to really understand this. The University wants to know, in order to create a more accepting environment, if my HDFS professor goes the extra length to discuss care for Bill and Bob’s newborn baby, as opposed to Sue and Bob’s baby. Obviously, if she doesn’t, then there’s a problem. In the words of John Stossel, give me a break!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Tolerance does not equal acceptance. I tolerate members of the LGBT community and have several homosexual friends and teachers who have made strong impressions on my life. However, I did not befriend them, or learn from them because of their sexual orientation, a personal decision that I can never accept. Once liberals understand that some conservatives on the LGBT issue mostly tolerate them, but cannot accept that lifestyle, then we will all be spared instances like last week’s public circus on what should be a very private matter.

Hopefully, proponents of an LGBT – focused academic agenda aren’t pod people sent to execute the mission of an alien race, but if they are, I’ll be fighting to stay awake until the bitter end.