Americans just seem to love their lists. From VH1’s 100 most shocking moments in Rock and Roll to E!’s various lists about Paris Hilton, we are obsessed. Normally, only the celebrity experts and entertainment magazine writers are allowed to make their voices heard, and due to a recent list that was opened to the public, I know why.

America Online, CNN and the Discovery Channel have teamed up to sponsor a list of the 100 “Greatest” Americans that is completely complied through the vote of regular Americans. As I look through the list, I am happy to see such worthy nominees as Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein and Martin Luther King Jr. However, I am also mortified by some of the people that Americans have chosen to be in such an elite group. Let’s start out by looking at some of the entertainers who were nominated. Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Mel Gibson and George Lucas were all chosen to be in a list with true greats like Franklin Roosevelt and Thomas Edison. I suppose everyone has their own definition of “great” but a few of these entertainers have not even received a top prize in their respective field! Tom Cruise may have just received a lifetime achievement award from MTV, but he has not really even given an Oscar-worthy performance. George Lucas made three decent films that owed a lot to earlier directing greats such as the Japanese director Akira Kurosawa. The feats of these entertainers surely could not put them up with the greatest American political thinkers, could they?

Moving on to political hacks that made the list, I present you with Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore. Rush Limbaugh is the worst of the worst. Not only is he a male chauvinist pig, but he is also one of the biggest hypocrites out there. While he preached for the harshest punishments possible for drug abusers, he was a drug addict himself. When he was caught with prescription painkillers, he asked for forgiveness and did not change his ultra-conservative viewpoints. If he is a great American, I am afraid to find out what a bad American is. Michael Moore is more respectable than Limbaugh, but he is definitely not what I would call “great.” While I may be entertained by Moore’s films and agree with many of his political leanings, he is merely a liberal with a camera and the guts to confront some very powerful and famous people.

Now, I must mention the plain weird and terrible selections made by the American public. I present you with Michael Jackson and Dr. Phil McGraw. Michael Jackson really has no redeeming qualities. Surely he made some great pop records and could do his share of dancing, but look at what he has done. At the least, he has given children alcoholic beverages and possibly even molested some of those same children. Dr. Phil McGraw may have a Ph.D in psychology, but he really has not said a word that makes him stick out from my mom or dad. His “tough love” approach is neither unique nor new, but I guess Americans fall for his shtick. How either of these people got any votes is beyond my comprehension.

After seeing all of these people who have broken the law and preyed on the less powerful, I was sure that I could find tons of Americans who are more deserving of such a title and honor. However, I was hard pressed to really find any really “great” Americans after over an hour of brainstorming. I guess that there just have not been many great Americans. This thought led me to two conclusions that are sad but true: America really is not as good as we believe it is, and America Online, CNN and Discovery Channel should have just trimmed their list down to 50 because there really have not been 100 Americans worthy of such praise.