It’s not Tom Monaghan that’s creating an orthodox Catholic town in Florida. That fact, by far, provides the most amusement in all the irrational hysterics denigrating the Ave Maria town project.

Last week’s column, “Osama bin Domino’s Pizza,” on the subject, did nothing more than emphasize the puerile asshattery that makes up the opposition to conservative Christian values being lived out anywhere. Of all the objections that could have been made, and I can come up with 20 better ones off the top of my head, only two were picked: that the town would not have pornography and there wouldn’t be contraception.

Yes, apparently pornography is now a basic human right. The idea that mankind does not have to go through life one-handed stirs horrific cries of indignation from those who can’t seem to figure out their brain cells are in their heads and not their pants.

Instead of trying to mandate a way of life for the entire nation, Monaghan is building his own town to reflect religious values. One might have a point about constitutional issues if he took over Chicago and mandated values from on high. As it stands, if you don’t want to live in a town that has these values, you don’t have to move there once it’s finally built.

The objections are that people won’t have a right to choose contraception and that this kind of setup is a form of control. In order to ensure this “choice” be available, laws have cropped up nationwide taking away the ability of private hospitals and pharmacies to choose how and where they provide services. The question is, who is controlling whom exactly?

Hate speech is universally decried, however, the standard is unequally applied. Cartoons depicting Muslims as terrorists prompt protests all over campus as hate speech. Columns declaring conservative Christians as terrorists are generally ignored as free speech. While the few Muslims groups I have talked to indicated they thought the column was out of line, the other groups involved with the protests were strangely silent.

Herman condemns hate speech against Muslims. He outright declares war on hate speech against Jews. But in his repeated silence on this issue, he tacitly condones hate speech against Christians. The Anti-War Anti-Racism Effort, supposedly a group against hate but known more for its anti-Semitic ramblings, doesn’t have a problem with a “critical view” on Christians. AWARE, like many others, isn’t against hate speech or war, they just want to make sure the right people are on the business end of them.

If someone started sending messages to gay groups saying “I’ll burn down your f-ing houses,” it would be front-page news for a month. When a gay activist sends a message to the Illinois Family Institute saying he’ll “burn everyone one of your f-ing churches down,” hardly a peep is heard in the press. It is unclear if DuPage County will actually charge this activist with a hate crime. The term “hate crime,” as we know, is used to distinguish between violent crimes that are motivated by benevolence. Statistically speaking, violent crimes against white people, men, or religious Christians are rarely motivated by hate, if the criminal charges are any indication.

What Monaghan is trying to do is actually respect the differences of others in this society. Instead of trying to “legislate morality” he is creating his own town so like-minded people can live as they choose to live. It is not a top-down control structure being formed, but an organic bottom-up organization of people who wish to assert their values. It isn’t Monaghan creating towns like this, it’s Eric Naing and his like-minded demagogues who refuse to acknowledge that the right of free expression, free religion, and free speech does, in fact, allow for a conservative religious argument and lifestyle.

The belligerent minority should remember one fact, they are in the minority. There will come a point that the tolerance of their brainless antics will come to an end.

John Bambenek is a graduate student and academic professional at the University. Taking two hours to eat a stick of butter does not a man make. His column appears on Wednesdays. He can be reached at [email protected].