Worst. Movie. Ever.

By Eric Naing

Newsweek describes a scene in “The Simpsons Movie” where Bart skateboards naked and “flashes his little part to the entire world.” In the same way Bart and Lisa’s entire world seemed to revolve around the release of “Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie,” I theoretically should be eagerly awaiting “The Simpsons Movie,” but reports such as the one in Newsweek coupled with the show’s dramatic decline in quality have made me afraid of watching the film adaptation of my favorite television show.

Before I go into a long-winded rant detailing exactly why I believe “The Simpsons” is no longer a good show and therefore will probably make for a disappointing movie, I fully admit that every word I write here proves that I have no life.

I also fully admit that I am playing into the obsessive, loser nerd stereotype best embodied by Simpsons character Comic Book Guy.

With that being said, the first major problem with the show is that recent episodes seem intent on destroying the characters. Homer used to be a lovable oaf but his actions in later episodes such as marrying another woman in Las Vegas and killing Maude Flanders have turned him into a genuinely horrible person.

Similarly, Marge seems to have changed from a na’ve, but loving wife and mother into a one-dimensional, unintelligent nag. Even secondary characters have been destroyed. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon was stuck with eight children and an uninteresting wife with whom he later cheated on.

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Most likely a symptom of being on the air for 19 years, the show has also gone overboard with reused plotlines. The first episode that took place in the future was hilarious, the next two were redundant. The plot device in which the Simpsons visit another country such as Africa, Brazil or England grew equally tiresome. I can not even count all the times Homer and Marge had to deal with marital or money problems.

None of these issues would be a problem if the jokes managed to remain consistently funny, but unfortunately they have not. Political humor on the show used to be subtle like when the first President Bush moved next door to the Simpsons. Jokes in later episodes became overtly political like when Homer threatens Bart by saying “you’re going straight into the army where you’ll be sent straight into America’s latest military quagmire. Where will it be, North Korea, Iran? Anything’s possible with commander coo-coo bananas in charge” or overly crude like when Bill Clinton propositions Marge by saying “I know you don’t think you’re good enough for me. But believe me, you are. Hell, I done it with pigs. Real, no-foolin’ pigs!”

Now we face the release of the movie and things look grim. My first warning sign was the second teaser trailer which juxtaposed the hi-tech 3D style of modern animated films with the low-tech hand-drawn style of The Simpsons Movie. While the trailer was funny, “South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut” used the exact same joke in its trailer eight years ago.

This and the fact that Bart flashes his penis make me concerned that “The Simpsons Movie” will be just as unoriginal and crude as the later episodes of the main series.

Despite my reservations about “The Simpsons Movie,” I will still be first in line for it. And while I may no longer enjoy The Simpsons, I can not deny that it ranks among the all-time greatest television shows ever.

I believe my feelings are best expressed by Bart and Comic Book Guy when they argue over the Poochie episode of The Itchy and Scratchy Show:

Bart: Hey, I know it was great, but what right do you have to complain?

Comic Book Guy: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.

Bart: What? They’re giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them.

Comic Book Guy: Worst episode ever.