The vagina vote

By Kellyn Jackson

(U-WIRE) ANN ARBOR, Mich. – I don’t much care for her, but there is still one thing that I admire about Hillary Clinton: her vagina. Although it’s hard to tell with that hair cut and a collar bone that never sees the sun, she is a woman. A woman shooting for the highest position in this “man’s world,” and there’s something to be said for that. She may not be the best candidate, but the prospect of her being the first female president is good enough for me. And it’s about damn time.

Part of me wants to jump up and down, wave my “Women for Hillary” flag and support her solely based on that one biological fact. But I won’t – not until she gets a platform and convinces me that she’s more than a political puppet vying to be America’s sweetheart. And maybe, I don’t know, starts acting like a Democrat.

Clinton has hit the road, campaigning, fundraising and speaking at every stop. But like Charlie Brown’s teacher, what comes out of her mouth sounds more like monotone gibberish than a reflection on important issues. She has a presence, but no concrete, detailed, this-is-how-much-it-will-cost platform.

The ideas she does have, discussed in her speeches and posted on her website, come in the form of dumbed-down, I-want-world-peace-beauty-queen fluff. Her plans have no agenda, policy or bank to back them up.

On top of having a porous platform, Clinton has a conspicuous history. As a young woman, she campaigned for the racial conservative Barry Goldwater, and for six years between 1986 and 1992, she sat on Walmart’s board of directors. Personally, she favors abstinence and opposes gay marriage. Most importantly, five years ago she voted in favor of the war in Iraq and continues to be unapologetic about that vote. These actions and ideologies are not Democratic. They are not even moderate.

She has all the staple ingredients of electability: A bright and intelligent child, a caring and sort-of-loving spouse and a political track record that should have a popular junior Senator shaking in his boots. Why then is she so concerned about being “electable?” Where’s the leftist lady I want so badly to win?

The truth is I’m sure Clinton is not that woman. I want a competent, left-wing woman to win. I want a woman in the Oval Office period. In the chair, not under the desk.