“Lieutenant, we have a situation at Las Mercedes. I repeat, we’re in pursuit of Suspect Superman.”

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a citizen of Venezuela?

Last week, the Venezuelan Electoral Council proposed a bill that would outlaw giving children “names that expose them to ridicule, are extravagant or difficult to pronounce” or that cause confusion about the child’s sex. Basically, it’s a ban on “bad” names.

What qualifies as an unusual name, however, is based on opinion, and therefore horribly flawed. Apparently, Superman, which is actually registered to two Venezuelans, would be on the do-not-name list. Sure, naming someone after a comic book icon is slightly odd and I would never consider it, but is it odd enough to prohibit?

Imagine if the United States adopted a Department of Prevention of Bad Naming. The melting pot of culture and creativity that exists here would be flushed down the toilet. Let’s take a look at some different, but not necessarily unusual, names that may make the cut to get removed from society.

For a name that is easily ridiculed, look no further than anyone named Harry P., anyone with a last name Potter or the unlucky chap whose parents legally named him Harry Potter. I’m sure that since the first book came out 10 years ago, the poor guy has heard millions of jokes about Hermione and his glasses, not to mention the occasional “Do you miss Dumbledore? Loser!”

If you can’t tell, creativity and making fun of a name rarely go hand in hand.

A name that is slightly extravagant is actor Jason Lee’s son’s name Pilot Inspektor. No, that isn’t a typo. He’s actually named Pilot Inspektor. As he grows up, young Inspekky may be taunted with questions about flying planes, or for the not so quick-witted, “Hey Pilot, you better go-go-gadget out of here!”

With a name like Sujay Kumar, I know firsthand about pronunciation pitfalls. I’ve heard it all. During attendance calls every year since kindergarten, my name has been butchered into Suyay, Suhay, Sugay, Sujar, and even Suzay. It’s almost as if some people read the first two letters of my name, instantly lose all hope, close their eyes, and hope for the best.

Then there was that one time my friend Harold and I got a ticket for jaywalking. The officer couldn’t spell my last name, “What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that five o’s or two u’s?”

Okay, that may have been a scene in a movie, but you get what I mean.

I, Pilot Inspektor and Harry Potter may all have names that aren’t exactly that commonly used for newborns, but they are still our names. Each one represents something, whether it is a tradition or just something that popped into our parents’ heads. If a person wants to name their child something, it should be there choice; no government should have the power to decide what names are deemed acceptable.

If a modern day government such as Venezuela’s is willing to ban some names, it might as well ban all of them. Instead of names, the government should institute a new naming system that randomly assorts the name of a color, an animal and a number. These new names would be issued to citizens of the country. I could be something like BlueJaguar721 and you could be PinkManatee411.

But before long, you’d realize how much you hate pink, or I’d realize how superior manatees are to jaguars, and we’d be back at square one.

In Ayn Rand’s “Anthem,” society is stripped of individuality and everyone is issued a name. When the main character Equality 7-2521 and his love interest Liberty 5-3000 escape into the forest where they are free to express themselves, Equality triumphantly names himself Prometheus and his lover Gaea.

Yikes. As you can see, there’s no way of side-stepping the evolution of “bad” names. I mean, not that those names are bad or anything.