Great Scott! Football news from the future

By Kyle Betts

Writing a column on Friday can really be a pain sometimes. People tend to read the paper in class, but who goes to class on Friday? Plus, my column was also buried under the avalanche of articles in the Touchdown Times all last semester. I mean my column is way more important than the Illini’s best football season in years, right?

Most importantly though, almost all of the interesting events in sports happen over the weekend, so by the time they get to me, they’re old news. Well, I’ve had enough. I’m deciding to get a jump on the competition by writing about the news that has yet to happen.

Like Biff from “Back to the Future II,” I’m going to jack the DeLorean and travel to the future, and by future I mean Monday, to get the possible headlines of the Super Bowl matchup for you today.

The Boston Globe: Brady vs. Favre Super Bowl causes ESPN to implode.

Can you imagine hearing about this for two weeks? The sports conglomerate in Bristol, Conn., already loves both these quarterbacks with an unhealthy obsession, and it would be whispering sweet nothings and waxing poetic justice every hour of every day for two weeks if this game were to take place.

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Don’t get me wrong though, the game itself would be great. People want to see passing and deep throws, and they would get to see a show from perhaps the two best passers in the league right now.

I swear, though, that if I have to hear Sean Salisbury talk about the majesty of Brett Favre or Mark Schlereth discuss Tom Brady’s super-human intellect every time I turn on the TV, then I’m going to jump off of Altgeld.

USA Today: Manning discovers thrills of surfing in bye week, demands trade back to San Diego.

There can actually be a pretty intriguing story about the two quarterbacks who were traded for each other in the 2004 NFL Draft if this matchup were to happen. Eli Manning and Philip Rivers have completely different personalities, but both have experienced the same ups and downs in their early careers. Of course, whoever wins the big game would justify his team’s trade and the other could been seen as a failure. There is a lot at stake in this game for both the quarterbacks and the franchises.

On the other hand, this game has the potential to be really bad. The Chargers and Giants have strong defenses, especially when it comes to rushing the quarterback, so Manning and Rivers could put up Rex Grossman-like numbers, which both have shown they can do. This game might have to be decided by kickers. Boring.

Washington Post: Rivers talks trash to child wearing Favre jersey.

This might be the most boring combination possible, but you know the story lines are going to focus mostly on the differences between the grizzled, respected Favre who plays the game the “right way” and the loose-mouthed Rivers who plays the game like a punk and never met a verbal confrontation he didn’t like. This is basically going to be QB 101 for Rivers and television enshrinement for Favre.

I have a feeling this game would be a high scoring affair and a fun game to watch, but with such little flash or flair to make the contest interesting, many of the people who tune in will probably just be fans of the teams or general football enthusiasts.

The New York Times: Giants consider resting starters for ’09.

This game is going to be built up on the fact that the teams played in the last game of the regular season with a perfect record on the line for New England. Neither team rested its starters despite several critics saying the Giants should have benched their star players because they had nothing to play for. Now the Giants get a second chance to stop the Patriots from reaching their manifest destiny, and it’s going to be played up like a rematch between two heavyweight boxers.

Unfortunately for New York, I have a feeling this game has the greatest potential to end in a blowout. Eli, Jacobs and Burress threw everything they had against the Patriots at home and in adverse conditions that should have kept Belichick’s air attack slightly grounded, but New England still came out on top. If the offensive line can slow down the Giants pass rush, this game might be over by halftime.

Well there you have it, all the different future roads to Super Bowl XLII. Do you know what’s the great thing about having a time machine, though? Where I’m going, I don’t need roads.

Kyle Betts is a senior in Communications. He can be reached at [email protected].