Play. “I’m in love for the first time, don’t you know it’s gonna last. It’s a love that lasts forever.” (Skip) “And I, will always love you.” (Skip) “Unbreak my heart, say you’ll love me again.” Stop.

Turn on television.

News Anchor: They say you only fall in love once, but Ashley Madison is here to help you fall in love once again. Only this time, they’ll help you cheat.

We’re joined here with Noel Biderman, Chief Operating Officer of the multi-million dollar online service AshleyMadison.com.

Since 2001, the Toronto-based enterprise has served nearly 2 million users who are already in a relationship find forbidden love.

Noel, what do you have to say about the charges that cheating Web sites like yours lead to the moral degradation of all that society holds dear?

Noel: Thanks, it’s wonderful to be here. You know, at The Ashley Madison Agency we have a couple of mottos. Our favorites are “When monogamy becomes monotony,” and “Life is short, have an affair.” We’re a business. No matter how you cut it, there will always be cheaters whether Ashley Madison is connecting them or not. We’re just here to cater to those who are in unhappy relationships. They’re going to cheat, simple as that, so why can’t we make things easier? Monogamy is not in our DNA.

Turn off television.

www.AshleyMadison.com. Enter.

Username: looKING4luv. Interests: Movies, diversity, finding the good in this crazy world, Stargate SG-1. Looking For: NSA (no strings attached). Marital Status: Married, 4 kids.

Forty minutes later … You’ve got mail from PrincessLoveStruck:

Dear looKING4luv,

Hi handsome, welcome to AshleyMadison.com! Let me get right to it, I married the most wonderful man in the world. Ten years and four kids later, the flame between my husband and I is long gone. I can’t remember the last time I was given flowers or taken out to a dinner that didn’t have french fries or double cheeseburgers on the menu.

Even this past Valentine’s Day, he gave me a pair of socks, can you believe that? It can really kill a woman’s self-esteem when she’s treated like crap by the one she has pledged the rest of her life to.

Anyway! I heard an advertisement on the radio a few years ago, and I decided to check out AshleyMadison.com. It was the best decision of my life. I have gone on so many dates without my husband knowing, and I have met so many wonderful men looking to cheat on their wives. This site just gives me the freedom to stand on a rooftop and scream, “I’m PrincessLoveStruck and I’m a married woman with four children looking for love!” It’s so rejuvenating to enter into a relationship with someone who already knows the baggage of a husband and children that I bring along. It really saves an awkward moment later!

So I was pumped when I saw your interests! I LOVE movies.

My perfect day would be sitting on the couch all day and watching something with a good plot or something funny or something animated or really as long as there are pictures moving on screen I’m psyched! OMG, you like diversity and finding good in the world too! No way! What are the odds that two people with such similar interests would find their way to AshleyMadison.com looking for true love?

Kisses Always, PrincessLoveStruck

You’ve got mail from looKING4luv:

Dear PrincessLoveStruck,

I’m not a married man, just another college student. There are many sites out there helping everyone from your regular single guy, to people coming out of a rough marriage, to people with a strange obsession with clowns, find that special someone.

Unfortunately for you, Ashley Madison is not one of those sites. It allows unhappily married people like you go behind your lover’s backs and cheat. I’d suggest that instead of watching movies or finding the “good” in this world, you spend some time working on your marriage, and if all else fails, find out how to get a divorce.

Sincerely, looKING4luv

Sujay is a junior in biochemistry. No, he is not the same guy who’s escaping from Guantanamo Bay.