Sometimes it is perfectly appropriate to have an opinion on something you have never experienced. For example, I have an opinion on abortion, even though I have never personally been aborted.

This is the case with “John Adams,” the HBO miniseries that aired its final episode Sunday night. I never watched it, but I’ve heard it discussed ad nauseam, to the extent that I feel safe saying it was a pretty good show, full of glorified battle, pointed oratory, revolutionary idealism and French prostitutes. Sort of like our student senate.

American television viewers aren’t supposed to care so much about what happened 200 years ago, especially when they have more recent things to worry about, like the current season of “American Idol.” But dramatic retellings of history often become major television events. Consider the popularity of “Roots,” an eight-episode miniseries about a man coming to terms with slavery in 18th century America; and “Star Trek,” a 726-episode miniseries about a man coming to terms with his very pointy ears.

But from what I’ve heard, little details cost “John Adams.” For example, historians dispute whether the real-life Adams was actually played by Paul Giamatti. HBO also passed on potentially lucrative product placement deals, such as by having Adams, afflicted with writer’s block while drafting his inaugural address, find his muse in a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

To correct these mistakes and others, I’ve decided to enter the historical miniseries fray with a five-parter called “Harding.” People will love “Harding” for the same reason it will be easy to write: none of its facts will be checked for accuracy. This means it’ll be the only account of Harding’s life to address the time he and his friend Ethel Mertz worked on a conveyor belt in a chocolate factory. I’ll see if I can get that scene sponsored by Hershey’s.

I wrote a very detailed and emotionally harrowing script, one that practically guarantees an Emmy to whomever gets the title role. It needs to be someone with gravitas. I’m thinking Morgan Freeman.

Episode 1:

Warren Harding: “Boy, I sure want to be the 29th president, serving from 1921 to 1923.”

Florence Harding: “A full term is four years. Don’t you mean 1921 to 1925?”

Warren Harding: “Oh, right, because I don’t yet know whether or not I will die in 1923 from unknown causes.”

Episode 2:

Warren Harding: “I address you all, as delegates to this Republican convention, in the hopes you consider me for the presidential nomination.”

Teddy Roosevelt: “Having served as president from 1901 to 1909, I wholeheartedly endorse Warren Harding for the office of…”

Warren Harding: “Hey! Get your own miniseries!”

Episode 3:

Warren Harding: “Writing this inaugural address is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Florence Harding: “Here, try this Red Bull brand energy drink. It has been specially developed for times of heightened mental exertion and will provide increased concentration.”

Warren Harding: “Plus it gives me wings!”

Episode 4:

Warren Harding: “How are you doing today, Cal?”

Calvin Coolidge:

Warren Harding: “Oh, that’s right, I picked a vice president famous for never talking. Well, in April 1921, speaking before a joint session of Congress, I will call for peacemaking with Germany and Austria, emergency tariffs, new immigration laws and regulation of radio and transnational cable communications.”

Calvin Coolidge: “That sounds like it came word-for-word from your Wikipedia entry.”

Warren Harding: “I liked you better when you kept your mouth shut.”

Episode 5:

Warren Harding: “These scandals my administration faces, plus my extramarital affairs, sure do prove me a complicated and conflicted figure in American history worthy of lengthy examination, possibly in a miniseries.”

Florence Harding: “Did you say ‘extramarital affairs’?”

Warren Harding: [Dies from unknown causes.]

This is only a small sample of the script – the full version gets into a lot more detail on Harding’s interactions with his mistresses, which involve partial nudity and adult situations. One of his mistresses may even have had his love child.

I guess we won’t get any sponsorship money from Trojan.

Scott is a second-year law student. He is played by Paul Giamatti.