As the old William Shakespeare quote goes, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” This is a lie. There are way more than three kinds of lies. White lies, for instance and my mother’s hair color.

Also Shakespeare never said it. It was Benjamin Disraeli, who, according to Wikipedia, is “some kind of fish.”

That’s a lie, too. Wikipedia never identified Disraeli, a former British Prime Minster, as “some kind of fish.” (It specified that he was a mackerel.) But for the internet generation, it’s easier to trust Wikipedia than go to a more reliable source, such as guessing.

How else could you explain the lies told by both presidential campaigns? Some of their recent whoppers indicate they think you have the intelligence of Prime Mackerel Disraeli, who is not so smart anymore, insofar as that he is dead.

For example, a recent McCain ad claimed Obama, while an Illinois state senator, sponsored legislation mandating sex ed for kindergarteners. The claim is ludicrous. In reality Senator Obama only wanted mandatory screenings of “The Crying Game.”

How does a sane person process this sort of claim? How the hell would I know? But the way I processed it was as follows:

1. Barack Obama wants to rise to higher office.

2. You don’t rise to higher office by voting for kindergarteners to learn about sex, abortions, paternity suits, etc.

3. Barack Obama could not have voted for this.

4. I hope there are no paternity suits pending against me.

But with their read-and-believe gullibility, Wikipedia users’ thought processes work like this:

1. Teaching kindergarteners about sex is bad.

2. Barack Obama doesn’t realize this, but I do.

3. Barack Obama is unfit to be president.

4. Plus his name sounds kind of Muslim.

In reality, the legislation in question wasn’t sponsored by Obama and was designed to teach kindergarteners how to recognize inappropriate touching and sexual assault, and parents would have had the option to exclude their children. The bill’s reasonableness, plus the lack of a provision mandating a $71 million state legislature fact-finding mission to Bali, explains why it didn’t pass.

McCain isn’t the only one playing these games. Obama’s campaign overstated Big Oil’s contributions to McCain by $800,000, cherry-picked quotes to make McCain look clueless on the economy, and boiled live puppies.

That’s another lie. Obama only overstated Big Oil’s contributions by $700,000. The Vice Presidential candidates are doing this stuff, too. Sarah Palin’s political experience was serving as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, for six years and governor of the state for two, but she’s been going on TV telling people how she used to be the Prime Minister of Kenya.

Joe Biden got into trouble last week talking about the nation’s economic troubles. He said that Franklin Roosevelt, who wasn’t President until 1932, got on the television, which didn’t exist commercially until the 1930s, to console the American people after the stock market crash of 1929. This is total bunk. Anyone who knows anything about American history knows Roosevelt actually went on TV in 1929 to deliver the Gettysburg Address.

But my point is, both sides are lying to you, and your job is to keep your guard up. Fight back against the bad habits you’ve formed from seven years of Wikipedia. Question what you’re told. It’s your civic duty to be informed when you cast your ballot for John McCain, the Republican, or Barack Obama, the halibut.

Scott is a third-year law student. His name sounds kind of Scottish.