For all of you who have been waiting anxiously for this day, your souls may finally rest in peace. Today is Friday, Oct. 31, 2008.

The stars have aligned to bestow upon this great institution a trifecta plus one of gratuitous luck.

It’s the weekend. Not only that, but it’s Dad’s weekend. The presidential election is less than five days away. And it’s Halloween.

But before you let yourself get whisked away by thoughts of watching Eddie Murphy’s “The Haunted Mansion” while sharing a Snickers bar with John McCain and your father, you may not want to turn the lights off just yet.

Not to spook you out of having fun, but I feel compelled to go beyond the frightful realm of Goosebumps and “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” to warn you about some of the shady happenings that may put the F-E-A-R in you this weekend.

Reader beware, you choose to be scared by reading on.

Big Papas:

They come spouting the same eight bone-chilling words, “I booked a room at the Union tonight.” Dads travel in swarms to have fun with a daughter or son. Sometimes they’re looking to catch up with the old boys or settle the score with the “punk who’s been messin’ with my kid.”

You must use caution when running into these dads, whether they’re at the football game, at a local dining establishment, or at a watering hole showing the kids how they “used to do it.” Just because they’re dads doesn’t mean they can’t get belligerently drunk.

The Others:

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiiiing. Hello? “Yo dude! It’s (fill in annoying name here), I’m coming down to U of I this weekend, man. Maybe we can get dinner or something when I’m down there. Or I can crash at your place.”

It’s Halloween weekend, and there will undoubtedly be no shortage of people from other schools crashing your party. These student-aged people frequent the University of Illinois on days that showcase its academic prowess such as Halloween, Unofficial and Cinco de Mayhem. The others are never satiated by what you say, and are in a perpetual search for the “awesomeness” they heard was in store here. “Where’s the party at, man? Why are there no girls here, man? What are we ordering, dude? Let’s do something, bro! Let’s make this a weekend to remember! What are we going to do now?”

Political Nuts:

These young, future leaders of America have been waiting with baited breath for the coming Tuesday for the last four years. Not only are they able to vote now, but after taking a few philosophy classes and discussing political documentaries under trees with friends they feel they know everything necessary to run a country.

If drawn into a conversation with such a person, you will have to face a constant barrage of references to Barack Obama, John McCain and how they’ve mailed in an absentee ballot. Some will go as far as to dress up as their president of choice not to celebrate All Hallows’ Eve, but to sneak in some last-minute campaigning.

Costumed Hooligans:

Just when you thought it was safe to exit your home, you run into everyone else … in a costume. “Yeah, man! My bros are here so I have to be extra awesome and extra loud to show them how much I and the University of Illinois ROCK! That’s what’s up!”

Since many people will be cloaked in a costume and possibly inebriated, most rules governing society will be nullified. These hooligans are dangerous since they will be operating under the assumption that since their hair is dyed green and they have seven dollars worth of Walgreen’s makeup making them resemble the Joker, you can’t see them.

But don’t be scared, chances are you won’t run into any of these people this weekend (blatant lie). Just watch out for the dad whose kids don’t go here, visiting his bros, dressed like Barack Obama yelling on Green Street, “This weekend rocks!”

Sujay is a senior in biochemistry and misses trick-or-treating with George Stephanopoulos.