Self-worth remains important when self-care fails

By David Lee, Columnist

Our generation has a particular psyche that has been complemented with a new set of tools (mindfulness, self-acceptance, exercise, etc.) for addressing topics in mental health. It is also easier than ever to distract ourselves, and all the while more people suffer from stress and anxiety. Suicide rates (in the US) are also on the rise, but there seems to be more discussions around mental health than ever before.

Have dialogues been helpful? Have the psychological tools been transformative? People in the United States, and certainly on this campus, can testify on behalf of these measures. Evidently, for many of us we need a lot more than any self-help book or psychological framework to take control of our own mental health. Taking a critical look at these contemporary measures may reveal the truth about who we are.

Admittedly, a lot of my emotions and feelings are contingent on things such as grades, job security and others’ perceptions of me. While these are true for me, one could swap out anything listed for something else, as it applies to most individuals today. We are hopelessly enslaved to our own self worth and identities. The psychological tools available to us are temporary fixes that do not cut at the root of our dilemma of self-worth, but instead highlight where our problems lie.

The practice of mindfulness and western meditation has gained popularity in recent years and has been shown to have the effects of increasing attention span and reducing stress. It can be summed up as “living in the moment.” Knowing how to take a step back from the things that consume our minds is important, but understanding mindfulness as a temporary fix to our deeper psychological problems is key.

Mindfulness works because it can be defined as a form of mindlessness of the self. The problems of self-worth and identity momentarily vanish when one focuses on what simply is in the present. Mindfulness has useful implications in the short term that ought to be embraced. However, there is also a necessity for us to think about ourselves on an uncomfortable level to address the roots of our stress and anxiety.

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Another idea that is inherently tied to self-worth is self-acceptance.  The problem of self-worth and identity vanishes when standards change. You have a perception of how the world should be and how people should be — including yourself. The rejection of these standards is problematic. Instead, it is better for someone to evaluate their expectations to discern what is true. The unreasonable standards a person holds themselves to are deplorable. These standards need to be separated from the beautiful struggle that is self-improvement. Our standards dictate much of what we do, and there ought to be a process in deciding what is to be rejected and what is to fully embraced.

Self-worth is also heavily tied to family and the experience of love. There is something special when you know, truly, that someone loves you, no matter who you are, what you have done or what you are going to do. People with strong family upbringings or committed lovers can experience such love to some degree. When your perception of self fails, you can bank your identity in something outside of your control. Agape (unconditional) love, when present, can sometimes be the single most substantial force in a person’s identity because there is beauty in knowing that there is one thing that will be true regardless of what you do or who you are. Putting your self-worth and identity in something that is outside of your control can seem counterintuitive and difficult to come by, but it is something worthwhile to consider.

Self-worth for all of us will fail one time or another if our lives are centered around ourselves. We can possibly find temporary solace to the cognitive dissonance within us, and some of us will go about vast stretches of our lives with little to complain about because we were so successful with meeting our own expectations. Some of us may truly spend the rest of our days hating ourselves or trying to adjust our standards. I could be wrong on many of these points, but I do hope that students at the University will at least take a deep look into themselves to understand their relationship with self-worth and how they form their own identities. There is a time and place for contemporary self-help applications, but there is truly no replacement for a beautiful struggle within that reveals a truth that will set you free.

David is a junior in LAS.

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