The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

Sex and the CU | I’m going out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear

Natalie Schneider
Sex and the CU

Halloween. Some people prepare for the holiday months in advance, with a running list of perfectly balanced funny, sexy, easily accessible, broadly understood, creative and visually appealing costumes to stockpile for the host of debauched romp fests awaiting them on the weekend. Others toss together a three-hole-punch or M&M costume in the 30 minutes before leaving for the local watering hole.

When determining who — or what — to impersonate on Oct. 31, people have many considerations.

Some costumes are selected for their ability to garner sex appeal, while others are intended to elicit laughs. Among women, many yearn for the elusive costume that somehow manages to make men and women laugh while showcasing at least one buttcheek or tasteful cleavage. Among an endless stream of sexy cats and fembots, the notion of a funny costume is one as elusive and misunderstood as the Pizzagate conspiracy theory

To be a woman in the modern day sometimes feels as though I’m being pulled back and forth between catering to the male gaze and realizing my own identity. Personally, I have never quite understood what it is that men find attractive in a Halloween costume. Is it preferential to come off as a fully formed individual with a distinct sense of humor? Is it hotter to have your posterior in full view? Are you a grade-A chiller if you conceive of a costume that has never before been done?

Finally, is a girl clad in a bald cap and Pitbull-reminiscent aviators really a better companion than the one in lingerie and cat ears?

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My personal favorite costume of my college years has been promiscuous Huckleberry Finn — a costume that would’ve conceptually put Samuel Clemens into cardiac arrest should he have heard. The costume was not recognized by any passersby, but it was memorable because the concept made me feel confident and occasionally chuckle(berry Finn) to myself as the night progressed.

In my opinion, originality is a pipe dream. Sometimes we will have a stroke of genius, like Huck Finn, for example. Other times, we shoot for the stars and end up in a fiery plane crash somewhere near Hoboken, New Jersey. 

What I’ve realized while performing femininity, particularly on Halloween, is that I don’t need to live-action role-play being sexy and funny on the day of some dingy frat party, because I am sexy and funny every day. 

I don’t intend to be cocky here, but what I would like to leave you with, dear reader, is that you are beholden to no identity judgments about your costume. Regardless of how others around you perceive your outfit, whether that be a romantic prospect or your friends, you are a valued and multidimensional person. 

How you dress on one specific day does not make you any less funny or any less hot than you were the day before. While getting a laugh out of your peers or being complimented at the bar is a bit of an ego boost, the serotonin from those experiences does not make or break your character. 

If you want to be Barbie in the year of our Lord 2023, slap on a pink hat. If you want to be Donald Trump, Guy Fieri or even Saul Goodman from “Breaking Bad,” do it. 

The opinions of other women, men, peers, family, friends and passersby on Green Street should not allow you to feel any less confident about your Halloween choices. 

Know in your heart that I support you and you are incredibly sexy regardless. Unless your intention is to look gory and terrifying — in which case, ew! You look horrible.

Thank you for reading — until next time.


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About the Contributor
Lisa Chasanov, Managing Editor for Reporting
Howdy! My name is Lisa, my game is delivering quality news to your phone screen, coffee table and recycling bin. Since fall 2022, I have had the honor of writing, editing and often-unsuccessfully pitching content for The Daily Illini. During my time at the 152-year-old news source, I have served as a reporter at our news desk, summer editor and assistant news editor. Most recently, after a rewarding year of bringing you hard-hitting stories such as “Uncut: Dissecting Circumcision” and “‘Surf’s Up’ could be the film of the summer,” I have taken over as managing editor for reporting. In my free time, you can find me performing open heart surgery in dark alleys, communicating telepathically with small woodland creatures and engaging in otherwise dubious activities. If you would like to summon me for any reason, you can find me at [email protected]. Good Yard. Stay tuned for more.
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