Let mom release her wild side when she visits this weekend

By Beth Gilomen

So, maybe now you see your mom as your loving, wonderful base of support.

She’s the one who you call after a bad day. Or maybe you see her as a super-woman who always has it all together.

She has a list for everything and lists of all of her lists for everything.

But I bet if you look hard you can see it in her. It’s there, deep down under the recipe for Rice Krispee Treats she memorized and the sweater you bought her for Christmas when you were 12, that you can tell she hates, but she wears just because she loves you.

It’s in there somewhere – the crazy, beer-bonging party monster of her college years.

Now’s the time, my friends, to help your mom out of her rut.

You, and you alone, hold the key to unleashing the raging monster inside her.

That’s where I come in.

I’m here to give you an informative guide on the best ways to make your mom feel like a college student again.

Just be careful – I saw that picture on your desk and you might want to keep her away from your skeezy friend who has, in the past, shown an unnatural attachment to the word “MILF.”

(My editor would like to remind you that the Daily Illini does not promote underage drinking, encourages the use of taxis and designated drivers and loves all campus bars equally. Now back to the column.)

Top five bars to take your mom to

(Listed in order, from most mom-friendly bar to “I’m seeing a side of my mother I never thought possible” bar):

1. Legends, 522 E. Green St.

Legends has that old school, memorabilia, “back in my day” feel that is perfect for moms of all kinds.

If you’re not sure how wild and crazy your mom is ready to get, you’ll probably want to start her out here and see how it goes.

After all, you can always start a little mom’s day bar crawl if she reacts well to the first bar.

2. Firehaus, 708 S. Sixth St.

If you think your mom’s ready for the next rung on the “gettin’ crazy” ladder, take her to Firehaus and see if she’s up for a fire hydrant full of beer.

In the case that she is not only up for it but actually more excited about it than you were the first time you saw one, proceed to step three.

3. It’s Brothers, 613 E. Green St.

At this point, she has probably had more alcohol in one night than in the last year combined.

The solution to this problem: Dance! Dance with your mom. It’ll be adorable because your mom is probably not the best dancer, but the alcohol will make her forget this.

Take pictures dancing with your mom. Remember to make them your Facebook profile picture on Sunday.

4. Kam’s, 618 Daniel St.

It’s time. She’s ready. You know you want to, and you’ve been thinking about it for awhile. Come on, just take her to Kam’s!

Believe me, she wants to go to the home of the Drinking Illini. She needs to visit a typical college bar.

Plus, they will probably have good specials, and by now you should be feeling bad about your mom spending money on your alcohol.

5. Joe’s Brewery, 706 S. Fifth St.

Do it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Get your mom and a stripper pole. And bring the camera.

Well, you got your mom all sauced up, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

But at least now you guys are sharing things. She’s sharing stories from her college years – things you never really wanted to know about your mom. You’re sharing your stories – things she never really wanted to know about you.

Fun things to do/share with mom

after the bars close

(Listed in order, from mom-friendly to “I am going to have to tell your father about this when I get home and you better start thinking of excuses now because he will not take this as well as I just did. Honestly, I never!”)

1. Try to eat a whole pizza.

She needs this. She will thank you in the morning.

2. Take funny pictures with the Alma Mater.

Sit in her lap, etc. Use your imagination.

3. Show your mom where you tripped and busted your face on Unofficial

“Remember? That bruise I had over spring break that I told you I got from falling asleep in my book because I was studying too long?”

4. Go to an apartment party

Let your mom learn the joy of drinking games.

5. Point out the apartment where you had your first random hook-up.

Share all the details.

Remember kids, your mom loves you and she deserves to have a good time.

Also, my mom has to work this weekend and won’t be coming to visit, so have a little extra fun for Kathy and me.

Beth Gilomen is a junior in Communications. She can be reached at [email protected]