ACE IT class needed

By Stephanie Birch

To the fine ACE IT educators of the class of 2012, I salute you. Does anyone listen? Probably not. Does the class borderline exaggeration? Absolutely. It is no secret (to anyone) that binge drinking isn’t the most productive activity for up and coming professionals, but it is nevertheless one of America’s favorite pastimes. I remember several individuals from my freshman days who would unapologetically proclaim that they “will be so pissed if (they) don’t get totally wasted tonight.” To no surprise, some of those girls didn’t pass their classes. It is the first taste of freedom, mixed with large quantities of readily available beer and a few fake IDs spell disaster. The alkies of the class of ’12 will undoubtedly skip class, but it only takes one party to wind up naked in someone’s bed. The leaders of ACE IT are just typically under 21, thus making them even more credible because they are still paying their public urination fines.

The ACE IT class is like sex ed for freshmen. Let’s all take a page from Sarah Palin’s book: Abstinence doesn’t cure teenagers of their rebellious love of, in this case, beer, followed by drunken, blackout sex. The alternative is to provide freshmen with tools necessary for protecting themselves from date rape, fines and even imprisonment. Most under-21 students will obtain fake IDs. Most of them will get pissed drunk weekly, and some will wake up in a stranger’s bed before graduation. Therefore, it is important to know what bars are being cracked down on or what drugs some creeper outside of Kam’s could slip in your drink. It may not do any good for most, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.