17 Ways to Productively Procrastinate
December 17, 2013
1 | Write your paper’s title page and bibliography first, then feel accomplished that at least one page is done. Reward yourself with a false sense of hope and at least 30 minutes of Netflix.
2 | Stare blankly out the window at the library, and eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. Silently begin to root on Michelle and her boyfriend troubles with Jim instead of starting your English paper.
3 | Log on to Compass to check your math grade, then let your fingers type in the web address for Facebook. Oops.
4 | Once on Facebook, proceed to creep your cousin’s best friend’s sister’s boyfriend. Feel bad about your life as you browse through his “Vacation to Hawaii” photo album. He looks beautiful and tan. You are ugly and pale in the library studying chemistry.
5 | Calculate the lowest grade you need to receive on your final to get the grade you want in the class, neglecting to actually study for said final.
6 | Go through all the “related videos” on YouTube. End up crying on the floor watching wedding proposal videos.
7 | EAT. Eat even though you aren’t in the slightest bit hungry. Tell yourself that you will workout later. It probably won’t happen.
8 | Decide to write a book, and begin the first chapter. “I’ve always wanted to do this,” you say to your friends.
9 | Clean your room from top to bottom because at least now it appears that you have your life together.
10 | Build yourself up with motivational quotes on Pinterest that do not in any way apply to your life.
11 | Spend more time scheduling your study time than actually studying.
12 | Memorize the entire “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” theme song, and rap it to your friends.
13 | In the midst of writing a paper, randomly think about life decisions and doubt your major for the billionth time. Get caught up in this important thinking and put off the paper until tomorrow.
14 | Do impromptu cartwheels down the hall because you feel like it. Pretend you don’t see them staring.
15 | Delete every social media app from your phone in an effort to focus. Experience withdrawals, and promptly re-download everything, wasting more time than you saved.
16 | Snapchat an ugly close-up of you, quote: “struggling through finals” to your friends. Continue to struggle even harder because you are now even more distracted by incoming Snapchats from commiserating friends.
17 | Share this list with everyone you know. Homework can wait.
Bridget Hynes is a freshman in Media. She can be reached at [email protected]