Here comes Captain Miley and The Planeteers

By Sujay Kumar

During times of dramatic change, there has always been a special person who rises from the swarms of masses to lead others to revolution.

Today, Mother Earth is changing. Global warming cripples us, partially because we have to hear about it constantly. Trees are cut down, paper is thrown away in trash bins and not in proper recycling receptacles, and smoke stacks destroy our ozone layer. You know, all that bad stuff.

And what are we doing about it? Is there someone we can turn to when the world is seemingly wasting away?

“Oh, can you take care of her

Oh, maybe you can spare her

Several moments of your consideration

Leading up to the final destination”

Those words … that cause … What angel has descended upon us during this time of great need? Could this … it can’t be.

“Oh, the Earth is calling out,

I wanna learn what it’s all about,

But everything I read – global warming, going green

I don’t know what all this means, but it seems to be saying…

WAKE UP AMERICA!”

It is!

Those lines you just read are from the new leader of the eco-friendly movement, Miley Cyrus. You may know her by her alter ego Hannah Montana, but one thing’s for sure: She’s here to save us.

The 15-year-old pop superstar/Disney Channel icon/spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus/God has recently released the album “Breakout.” It features the track “Wake Up America,” which is being touted as the “global warming anthem.”

Before you dismiss the notion that Miley Cyrus can lead us to the promised land, or at least to a greener version of the Earth, as (The Disney Channel has requested that instead of profanity we print the word “garbage”), we should remember Miley’s revolutionary forefathers.

There have been some who have come forward championing the green movement. In the ’90s, you may remember The Planeteers using the power of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart (shout-out to ring-bearer Ma-ti) to bring Captain Planet into our homes. As the theme song said, “He’s a hero, he’s going to bring pollution down to zero.”

But nearly 20 years after his debut, Captain Planet is long gone and pollution is still here.

Enter in Al Gore. With a coolness factor rivaling that of Captain Planet, Captain Gore and his team of environmentalists have made huge strides bringing awareness about saving the world into our homes. A Nobel Prize and Academy Award later, and Gore has slowly floated off the radar.

You may be wondering what use it is to listen to Miley. Her role model is Hilary Duff. Miley can’t even drive a car, let alone pilot the war against pollution.

She’s even had some public controversies such as private pictures of her in underwear, a near-naked spread for Vanity Fair, a YouTube video mocking her rival (and fellow Disney Channel starlet) Selena Gomez, and heartbreak with one of the Jonas brothers.

Even she agrees:

“I know that you don’t want to hear it

Especially coming from someone so young”

And she’s absolutely right. We don’t care. There’s no way we’d let a little brat tell us how to save the planet, especially when there are people way more qualified out there who are actually willing to do something more than prance on a stage.

But what we think doesn’t matter.

Have you seen the power Miley holds over children under the age of 15? Some people my own age, in creepy or star-struck ways, love good ol’ Hannah Montana. There’s no way to prove this, but in the history of the Earth, no pop culture icon has held such a strong grasp on the neck of our children.

So maybe it’s not a horrible thing for Miley to champion “going green.” As superficial as it may be, some of her listeners may take heed and “save” the Earth.

Maybe years from now, we’ll remember that famous quote from the revolutionary herself:

“Stand up, I’ll try if you will

Wake up, it’s not a fire drill”

Sujay is a senior in biochemistry and wants you to go check out the trailer for “Lakeview Terrace.” It’s that bad.