I would like to think that none of my friends are homophobic. I have friends who are gay, and I’ve never known one of my straight friends to express discomfort when we all hang out together.

However, some of my very close friends still make gay jokes, or they’ll say, “That’s so gay.” In that phrase, the word “gay” is used as a synonym for “stupid.”

Often when one of my friends is angry with a professor or a teaching assistant about the amount of reading for a class or the difficulty of an exam, he or she will say, “That’s so gay.”

I’ll respond by telling my friend that the joke is offensive. And he’ll say, “It’s just a joke.”

Well, why is it funny? What is it about debasing a group of people that seems funny?

Instead of justifying these offensive jokes by claiming that they are funny, we need to examine exactly why they come off that way. In my opinion, the joke often stems from fundamental condescension.

Frequently, we acknowledge a different way of life that deviates from the societal norm and instead of educating ourselves, we laugh at it.

It’s the same kind of “humor” that would apply to calling someone greedy a “Jew” or telling a great basketball player that he’s almost black, as these ideas stem from historical stereotypes.

My friend usually then goes on to explain he isn’t homophobic, and he just thinks the joke is funny, or it’s just a phrase that’s commonly said among his friends.

I believe it when a friend tells me that. But, the fact is that it doesn’t really matter; it’s still an offensive joke, regardless of intention.

Making gay jokes and using a phrase like “that’s so gay” perpetuates negative stereotypes.

Another type of gay joke is one that assumes that all men who are gay speak with a lisp, dress fashionably or act in a “feminine” manner. 

It goes without saying that those character traits are not true for every person who identifies as gay.

Those who are gay may take personal offense at a joke that ascribes all stereotypical “gay” traits to everyone who is gay.

Furthermore, straight people can take offense to gay jokes as well. I know I do. When I hear someone I know make a gay joke, it stops me and forces me to rethink about him or her.

So, though this should by no means be your primary motivation, be aware that if you do choose to make those jokes, not only are you making an offensive remark and perpetuating negative stereotypes, but also, in all likelihood, the joke will reflect poorly on you.

Making an offensive gay joke only serves to portray you as a close-minded individual. It can certainly hurt you in any competitive, professional or academic setting.

Yes, it is true that not every person who is gay takes personal offense to gay jokes or phrases such as, “that’s so gay.” But, many do. And, in no situation is trying to be funny — or the convenience of using a familiar phrase — more important than the way someone feels about the portrayal of his or her sexual identity.

I’ve heard my friends justify the jokes by saying, “You’ve just got to know your audience.”

But, I don’t think there is an appropriate audience for those jokes. First of all, making fun of the stereotypical characteristics of someone who is gay, and portraying all people who are gay as having those traits is inaccurate and harmful.

But secondly, even when speaking with a close friend or family member who you know to be OK with such jokes or comments, you never know who else could be listening.

Far too often I’ve overheard gay jokes while walking around campus. When you make an offensive joke, it’s entirely possible that you may be offending more than just your immediate, intended audience.

Further, often people keep their sexual orientation quiet. Everyone is entitled to publicize as much or as little of his or her sexual preferences as they want. 

But, it is often a sensitive topic, and you must consider that it is impossible to always know your audience.

It is OK to acknowledge differences in sexual preference, and it’s great to educate ourselves about those differences. But, they aren’t anything to be laughed at.

Finally, before making another gay joke or standing by when you listen to a friend make one, consider the fact that there is legitimate prejudice surrounding any sexual orientation that is not hetero-normative. We don’t need to worsen the problem simply by making jokes.

Alex is a junior in LAS. She can be reached at [email protected].