Predictable mania: Grammys fall on flat note

The Grammy Awards this year were about as predictable and unfulfilling as most other years. Adele took home awards in all six of her nominations. Katy Perry wore a weird latex superhero-like get-up and sang a song that’s most likely about Russell Brand (and now No. 1 on iTunes Top 10). Nicki Minaj may have terrified us all with her performance of “The Exorcism of Roman,” which included monks, stained glass windows and a levitation skit (The Catholic League President is “freaking out”:ttp://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/nicki-minajs-grammy-performance-has-angered-the-catholic-league/2012/02/13/gIQAfVVfBR_blog.html?tid=pm_entertainment_pop about it).

In other news, Kanye was busy watching the throne elsewhere and didn’t make it to music’s biggest night. That was a relief to all other nominees who were seriously concerned what his rendition of “Who Gon Stop Me” would have been like if they didn’t win.

Back with a new, really blonde do, Rihanna showed us that finding love in a hopeless place is less like yellow diamonds in the light and more like flashing orange and red lights, complete with a crew of dancers clad in black leather. It was a mediocre performance at best; either way we couldn’t have expected it to be as thrilling as the music video. In a follow up duo with Chris Martin, she reminds us that every teardrop really is a waterfall in their performance of “Princess of China.”

It wouldn’t be right if the Coldplay superstar didn’t have his own solo performance. So, naturally, he sang “Paradise,” and everyone in the audience wondered what he was singing about anyway.

Chris Brown came back in a big way and reminded us all what a great … singer he is? Maybe not, but he does remind us that a successful performance these days can be boiled down to a few fancy feet shuffles, jumping up and down stairs and a clever LCD lighting system. Whatever, though. There’s nothing like a good rendition of “Beautiful People” by our favorite wife beater to make women everywhere feel empowered — because “don’t you know, don’t you know, you’re beautiful.”

Thanks to an electrified and thoughtful lyrical performance (“Take your time/take your sexy time”), Brown seems to have recouped any support he lost after the beating incident.

Nutty Brown fans everywhere reminded us that society really is on the decline when they proclaimed that they’d take a beating for a moment with the “flawless” star — if only I could be spared the irony.

“Everyone shut up about Chris Brown being a wife beater … S*** he can beat me up all night if he wants” or this insightful one: “Not gonna lie … I think I’d let Chris Brown beat me #sosexy #lovehim #awkwardtweet #dontevencare” are good signs that people are taking the domestic abuse issue completely serious.

If you feel compelled to check out some more “daddy beats me because he loves me” stuff, check out the list of Twitter reactions to Brown’s performance “here”:http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/horrible-reactions-to-chris-brown-at-the-grammys.

All in all, the Grammys went as expected. Nicki Minaj promised us that Lady Gaga isn’t the only crazy one around, Bon Iver may forever be known as Bonnie Bear, and Chris Brown showed us that he really can go from wall to wall.

And that’s a wrap! Cheers to a Grammy show that was a little bit terrifying, and a lotta bit predictable.

_Nishat is a senior in LAS._